


Frozen Sunshine

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Canon, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-07-21
Updated: 2004-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-26 23:56:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 32,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12069585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Justin has not met Brian yet and has a secret that no one knows.  Brian is interested from their first encounter, but can't figure out why Justin turns down every guy who hits on him.  Plot Bunny: Vixen





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

Brian sat in his usual spot in the middle booth of the Liberty Diner. He liked this spot facing the door where he could get a good look at any fresh meat that walked into the less than fine dining establishment. Michael sat on his right both of them across from Ted and Emmett. Emmett and Michael were playing some asinine game prattling on about nothing. Brian had long since tuned them out.

"Brian, Brian," he vaguely heard Michael saying his name.

"What?" he asked.

"Who would you fuck?" Michael asked.

Brian shrugged his shoulders not clear what Michael was talking about.

"He'd fuck anybody," Ted contributed.

"Anyone but you," Brian scowled at him. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Weren't you listening?" Michael whined. "We were playing 'Who Would You Fuck'?"

"Can't you come up with a fucking better game than that?" Brian asked annoyed at having his attention distracted from a startling blond young man who had just walked in and was standing by the counter.

"Your choices are Wile E. Coyote or the Roadrunner."

"Fuck!" Brian reacted. "I'm not into farm animals." His eyes scanned the blond who was talking to Debbie.

"They're not farm animals," Michael protested. "They're cartoon characters. So which one would you fuck?"

"Neither, for Christ's sake. I like my fucks to at least be real, unlike some of us who have to get off vicariously through porn." He looked pointedly at Ted.

"The discriminating Mr. Kinney," Ted gibed. "That's why you've fucked every guy in here."

"Except me," Michael said.

"And him," Brian added nodding towards the blond at the counter who had just taken some papers from Debbie and had turned to leave.

"Ooh, he's yummy," Emmett said forgetting the game.

The bell tinkled above the door as the blond exited the diner. Brian let out a breath. He wished he had been on the outside of the booth and then he might have been able to grab the blond and keep him from disappearing so quickly. With Michael ensconced beside him he hadn't wanted to make the fuss of asking to get out or calling to the blond in front of the others. That wouldn't have been cool.

Debbie wandered over and started clearing their plates.

"Who was the fabulicious blond you were just talking to?" Emmett asked.

Brian smiled to himself. Trust Emmett to find out the information Brian wanted to know, but would never stoop to asking. After all Brian had his don't-give-a-shit-about-anything attitude to maintain. He had a carefully cultivated reputation and he wouldn't want anyone to know he was interested until he was sure he could have what he wanted.

"He said his name is Justin Taylor," Debbie said.

"Yum…Justin. Me like," Emmett said. "And what was he doing, chatting you up?"

"He's applying for a job," Deb said as she finished stacking all the dishes on the tray.

"Make sure you hire him," Emmett said. "He would definitely add some class to the ambiance in here."

"Your recommendation means everything, honey," Debbie quipped as she hiked the tray up and carried it towards the kitchen.

Brian had found out almost everything he wanted to know and he hadn't said a word. The blond working in the diner would definitely cause him to be eating more greasy food in the future. He would make that sacrifice. He smiled inwardly. The blond would be his.

"I don't know what you're so keen on," Michael stated to Emmett. "He looked a little snooty for this place."

"I don't think he was snooty at all. Did you, Teddy?"

"Never. But he looked about twelve."

"I thought so too," Michael added. "Didn't you, Brian?"

"I have to go," Brian said having heard enough criticisms of the blond. "Have some work to do at home tonight."

"No Babylon for you?" Ted asked.

"Some of us do have real jobs," Brian said sliding out of the booth as Michael stood up.

"See ya at Woody's tomorrow night?" Michael asked giving Brian a quick kiss.

"Probably," Brian responded as he walked over to the counter and left money for his meal and a generous tip for Debbie. He stepped out the door and glanced up and down the street. He saw the blond sitting at the bus stop at the corner. He looked like he was filling out the papers he had got from Debbie. Brian was tempted to saunter up the street and strike up a conversation. Fucking that delicious bottom that had been turned so temptingly towards him in the diner seemed like a much more enjoyable way to spend his evening than coming up with a new slogan for Baby Wipes. Before he could act on anything the bus approached and the blond disappeared.

Brian sighed. Oh well, he would get to see the blond again when he got the job at the diner, and he had no doubt that the job would be Justin's. The guys at the Liberty Diner would eat him up, but not till after Brian was through with him. He sighed again. Baby Wipes it was for this evening. He turned in the opposite direction and began the short walk back to his loft.

\-----

A couple of days later Brian walked into the Liberty Diner for breakfast. None of the boys were there, but behind the counter was the fabulicious blond who had been applying for a job. Obviously he had achieved gainful employment at the Liberty greasy spoon.

Brian walked up to the counter. Justin, that was his name, Justin turned and Brian looked into the bluest eyes he had ever seen.

"Can I help you?" Justin managed to gulp out. He had never seen anyone as good looking as this god who stood in front of him.

"Correctly, you should ask 'May I help you?'" Brian stated.

"May I?" Justin said blinking and trying to focus on his job. The throbbing in his groin was very distracting.

"May you what?"

"Um … may I help you?"

"You can get me a large coffee to go."

Justin forced his eyes away from the hazel ones he had been staring into. He needed to get a grip. He focused his attention on the coffee pot and pouring the hot liquid into a takeaway cup. He managed to accomplish filling the cup without dumping scalding coffee all over his trembling hand. He was sure he wouldn't have felt it anyway. All he could feel was his heart pounding and his cock aching unbearably. He ran his hand across his crotch trying to ease the pressure there. He reached for the takeout lid and snapped it onto the cup. He took a deep breath and turned around to face this most disturbingly handsome man.

Justin's motion with his hand had not been lost on Brian. A grin flashed across his face. The blond was interested. This would be easy. He wiped the smile off his face before Justin turned around.

"A dollar seventy-five," Justin said handing Brian the cup and trying to hide the shaking of his hand.

"Don't I get cream and sugar with that?" Brian asked trying to rattle his prey.

"Oh … I'm sorry. Most people tell me what they want in their coffee when they order it. If they don't say anything, I just assume that they want it black," Justin knew he was babbling but he couldn't stop himself.

"I think you'll find I'm not most people," Brian stated emphasizing the last two words.

"Oh … I … I didn't mean to imply…" Justin was really rattled now.

"Forget it. I just take sugar. I'll add it myself." Brian proceeded to set the cup on the counter and carefully remove the lid. He dumped a sizeable amount of sugar into the cup from the dispenser on the counter. He knew Justin was watching his every move and he deliberately drew them out letting the blond suffer.

Justin stood mesmerized by the actions of this tall, intriguing man. For someone so thin he sure put a lot of sugar in his coffee. Justin knew his hard cock was demanding attention. The longer this guy took fixing his coffee, the harder it got. He was going to have to go to the john and jerk off as soon as Mr. Delectable left.

"Hey, Brian," a voice said.

"Hi, Deb," Brian responded looking up as Debbie came out from the back. 

"You're in early this morning."

"I have a fucking Baby Wipes campaign to get organized," Brian griped putting the lid back on his coffee.

"You should take some breakfast with you," Debbie admonished.

"This will do just fine." Brian took a sip of his coffee having tipped his cup in Debbie's direction.

"Suit yourself," Debbie replied knowing that trying to get Brian Kinney to eat was a hopeless battle. "I see you've met Sunshine." She smiled in Justin's direction.

"Deb," a voice called from the kitchen. 

"Order's up," she said as she walked away.

"Why does she call you Sunshine?" Brian asked.

"Fuck if I know," Justin responded. "She started it the moment I arrived. When I ask, she just smiles at me."

"Well, I better run," Brian said taking out some money. He handed Justin five dollars.

"I'll get your change," Justin said moving towards the till.

"Keep it."

Justin turned to look at Brian and a beautiful smile lit up his face.

"Sunshine," Brian thought and he knew the smile was where Debbie had derived the nickname. Brian smiled back. He definitely wanted to see more of little Sunshine. He was sure he could arrange that for later in the day.

\-----

About 7:30 Brian stopped into the Liberty Diner to pick up something for dinner and to see the Sunshine blond. He glanced around the restaurant seeing a couple of waiters that he knew but no sign of Justin. Debbie was still there. She was always there.

"Hey Deb," he called from the counter. "I'll take a turkey sandwich to go."

"You should have a proper meal," she chastised him. "Sit down and eat something more substantial."

"Can't," he replied. "I have to go home and work on Baby Wipes for a couple of hours and then I'm going to Babylon."

"Heaven forbid that eating should interfere with fucking."

Brian glared at her. "Where's sweet Sunshine from this morning?" he asked trying to keep his voice casual.

"He only worked a few hours today. He's got to work his schedule around school."

"School?" Brian asked.

"Yeah, I'm not sure where he goes to school but he does. I'll find out tomorrow. He's working all day since it's Saturday."

"I see," Brian said thoughtfully making a mental note to have breakfast at the diner before he went to the gym.

Debbie looked at Brian curiously. He never asked about waiters and their lives. Christ, he barely asked about her life. She glanced up at him and the light dawned. Brian fucking Kinney was interested in her Sunshine. She better warn the boy since Brian could be ruthless in his pursuit of a fuck.

"What?" Brian said noting the strange look on Debbie's face as she handed him his sandwich.

"Nothing, kiddo." She rang up the sale and noted that Brian had left without a word of goodbye or without his eleven dollars of change. She shook her head and smiled as she pocketed the generous tip.

\-----

Several hours later Brian walked into Babylon wearing his best fuck-me wifebeater and skin tight black jeans. He was sick to death of Baby Wipes and horny as hell. He needed to find a trick fast.

He saw Michael and Emmett over by the bar. He wondered fleetingly where Ted was. They were always together. He saw a tall, muscular man with dark hair giving him the once over. He would do. He sauntered over, whispered in the guy's ear and they headed for the backroom.

When Brian emerged less than ten minutes later, he was somewhat relieved. The trick had been passable but certainly nothing to write home about. At least he had taken the edge off … for now.

Brian made his way over to the bar where the three amigos were still planted. "Howdy boyz," he said in his best drawl. I didn't think you were here, Theodore."

"Bri," Ted answered curtly.

"Slow night in paradise," Brian observed scanning the room for another likely fuck.

Brian threw back his Beam and picked up the beer chaser. He took another glance across the dance floor, and what should his wondering eyes see, but sweet little Sunshine dancing up a storm with some loser.

Michael, Emmett and Ted all followed the direction of Brian's gaze knowing that whatever had attracted the tall man's attention must be something very noteworthy indeed.

"Isn't that the little blond twink from the diner?" Emmett asked spotting the source of Brian's interest.

"How the fuck did he get in here? You have to be eighteen and he can't be more than ten," Michael griped.

"He looks hot in that sparkly shirt," Emmett stated.

"Yeah," Ted agreed.

Brian scowled. He was not impressed with the comments of his friends. He continued to watch as the guy Justin was dancing with leaned in and whispered in the blond's ear. Brian knew what that whispered invitation was all about. The guy wasn't really a loser. In fact Brian had fucked him once, he was pretty sure. He waited to see Justin's reaction. 

Justin leaned away from the guy and shook his head. They continued to dance, Justin seeming to get lost in the music.

Brian smiled to himself. "No trip to the backroom with Sunshine for you," Brian thought as he watched the guy gradually drift away from Justin looking for more willing prey. He was quickly replaced by a guy Brian had fucked just last week. Justin noticed the change of partner and kept on dancing.

Brian continued to watch as the guy made his move. He slid in closer and began bumping against Justin. Justin opened his eyes and backed up a little. The man moved back in encircling Justin's waist with his arms and forcing their bodies together as they moved to the music. Brian noted the groin contact and was about ready to move out onto the floor and put a stop to it, when Justin shoved the guy away and moved on to a new partner behind him.

Those actions were carefully noted by Brian. He wondered if the blond was a cocktease or simply not interested in those particular guys. There was something fascinating about watching this blond and how he handled himself.

Brian ordered another beer and downed about half of it. When he turned back to the dance floor thinking it was time for him to capture a certain blond for himself, he couldn't spot the man anywhere. Had Justin left? Had he gone to the backroom? He hoped not. He wanted the blond for himself. Brian sighed in frustration. He needed to find someone to take to the backroom and see if the blond had accepted someone's advances.

Heading towards the backroom, Brian grabbed a likely looking fuck along the way and dragged him along behind. Brian headed to the depths of the backroom looking everywhere for a certain blond head as he proceeded. By the time he reached the back he was sure Justin wasn't in there. Somehow that pleased him, but it also made his cock ache. He wanted to bury it in the luscious bubble butt of Sunshine Justin. 

He slammed the trick he had been dragging along against the nearest wall, shoved his pants to the ground, sheathed himself and rammed home. The man howled at the lack of preparation but Brian knew once he found his rhythm the guy would be begging for more. And that's exactly what happened.

Brian returned to his friends some minutes later having gotten off, but not feeling very satisfied. The ass he had been lusting after had apparently gone home. He hoped he had gone alone, because Brian wanted that nice tight hole all to himself, and he would have it before the weekend was over.

\-----

Saturday morning Brian arrived at the diner to meet the boys. He glanced around for Justin but there was no sign of him. Brian frowned. He was sure Debbie had told him the blond would be working all day Saturday. With what could only be a sense of disappointment he slid into the booth next to Michael.

Brian ordered coffee and listened for a minute to what the boys were talking about. It was some silly queen who had made a scene leaving Babylon last night. He immediately tuned out.

"They need to have closer scrutiny about who gets into Babylon," Brian heard Michael say. "That blond kid who works here isn't old enough to get in."

That was the opening he needed. "Is he still working here?" Brian asked. "I haven't seen him since he applied."

"You saw him at Babylon," Michael pointed out.

"I asked Kiki," Emmett offered. "He's been hired but he works later today."

Brian smirked. Trust Emmett to dig up the needed information. Maybe he would come back later for some lunch or dinner. "Are you guys ready to hit the gym?" Brian asked.

"What's your hurry?" Ted asked finishing up his eggs.

Brian had lost interest in the diner since Justin wasn't there. "Sitting on your ass won't make it hard and tight," Brian observed standing up.

"Hard and tight," Ted sighed.

Brian walked away and the others followed like the obedient puppies they were.

The gym was busy as it was most Saturday mornings. That meant they sometimes had to wait for equipment. That was fine with Brian. It meant he could get a good look at who was there and pick up a quick fuck or blowjob in the back if he had some time to waste. His eyes scanned the room noting some possibles. Over at the weights, one of Brian's favorite spots from which to choose a trick, he saw a blond head bench pressing a small amount. He felt his mouth water in anticipation. He could almost taste the blond. He would be only too happy to help little Sunshine with his workout.


	2. Frozen Sunshine

Brian watched the Sunshine blond press the weight up again and again. A good looking young man walked up to the bench and spoke briefly to Justin. Justin shook his head and the guy scowled and moved away. Brian raised his eyebrows. It was very clear to him that Justin was getting lots of offers, but accepting none. He wondered what the story was.

"Let's start on the step machines," Emmett suggested.

They all moved over there. One machine was available and Brian suggested that Ted take it since his body was in the greatest need of work. Ted climbed on grudgingly and the rest waited for other machines to become available.

Brian's eyes returned again and again to the blond at the weights. Another guy made a move on Justin and was apparently rebuffed too. Brian frowned. He wasn't sure what little Sunshine was up to.

Two more step machines became available as a hunky pair moved away, apparently to exercise other parts of their bodies in the back. Brian indicated that Michael and Emmett should take them.

"I'm sick of waiting," Brian said. "I'm going over to weights."

They nodded their agreement and Brian moved away. He sauntered towards the weight area. The other three watched him go settling into their workouts on the step machines. Brian wandered in and out of the weight equipment picking up possible weights and then setting them down. He didn't want the others to know of his interest in Justin.

Finally when his friends were involved in using the step machines and were seemingly engrossed in conversation, Brian was ready to make his move on Sunshine.

"Hey," Brian said appearing to notice Justin for the first time.

"Hey," Justin smiled looking up at him from the weight bench.

Brian felt warm all over at that smile. "Need a spotter," he asked.

"Um…" Justin seemed hesitant. "Sure, I guess so."

Brian moved above Justin's head where he could look down into his face. He stood close, where Justin was sure to see his well endowed package nicely showcased in his workout shorts whenever he looked up. Justin was using light weights, at least compared to what Brian used, and still he was sweating and beginning to struggle a bit.

"Been at this long?" Brian asked.

"About ten minutes," Justin replied.

Brian chuckled. "I didn't mean now. I meant have you been lifting weights for very long?"

"I started a couple of months ago … at my school."

"And what school is that?"

"Pittsburgh Institute of Fine Arts."

Brian's eyebrows went up. He knew it took exceptional talent to get into that school. They had had some interns from there who came to work at Vangard. "In what discipline?"

"Fine arts. I want to be an artist."

"Shouldn't you say 'I am an artist'?"

Justin looked up at Brian and smiled that wonderful, radiant smile. "Yeah, I suppose I should. No point in being modest." His gaze fell on Brian's groin just above his head. He felt his cock jump at the sight. "Um … I think I've done enough of this for now," Justin said as Brian helped him put the weight back in its cradle. Justin sat up.

"So what brings you to this fine establishment?" Brian asked.

"The weight room at PIFA sucks. Musicians and artists don't usually indulge." Justin grinned. "The dancers are about the only ones who use it."

"So why are you indulging?" Brian asked curious.

"I understand that exercise is good for you. Everyone should develop a sound mind in a sound body," Justin said matter-of-factly.

"Thank you for the public service announcement."

Justin giggled. This Brian, yeah Debbie had called him Brian, was funny. "I guess I'm done for today," Justin said standing up. He glanced at his watch. "I have a shift at the diner in twenty minutes, so I better go shower and get ready."

Brian was tempted to offer to wash Justin's back for him, but from what he had seen Justin wasn't accepting any proposals like that. He needed to take this slow.

Brian began adding weights to the bar Justin had relinquished. He watched the blond move away heading for the change rooms. He wondered what the guy's story was. He seemed friendly enough on the surface but Brian could feel the invisible wall that seemed to surround him and keep everyone at arm's length, especially other gay men.

As Brian sat down and leaned back on the weight bench he felt another presence. He looked up to see a nice looking guy standing above him.

"Need a spotter?" the man asked with a smile.

"Um … sure," Brian said hearing his own words coming back at him. He'd lift weights for a while until he was sure Justin was gone, and then this guy could prove acceptable for the backroom. He began to lift in earnest, thinking about what lay ahead, and unwittingly about the blond who had just disappeared. He was an enigma.

\-----

Brian had spent the afternoon shopping. He had ordered a new suit and bought a much needed pair of Pradas. He felt quite satisfied with himself as he headed home. He had decided to avoid the diner tonight. He wanted a little time to try to figure out how to handle this young Justin.

As he neared home his cell phone rang. He pulled it out and looked at the display. He should have known, Mikey.

"Hey," he answered.

"Hey, yourself. Where did you disappear to from the gym?" Michael demanded.

Brian thought about his spotter in the backroom. He hadn't been bad, not bad at all. "I … um … I had some shopping to do, so I just took off."

"You're going to be at Babylon tonight, aren't you?"

"Probably, why?"

"I … I want you to meet Ben."

"Ben?"

"The guy I've been seeing, the professor," Michael said slightly exasperated that Brian never seemed to remember what he had told him.

"I didn't think you two were dating."

"We're not exactly dating. He's coming to Babylon tonight though, and I want you guys to meet him."

"Sure."

"Brian, I mean it. Be there."

"Bye, Mikey."

Shit, Brian thought. Now he had to go whether he found something better at Woody's first or not. He wanted a long hard fuck, someone he could take to the loft and fuck into the mattress for a few hours. He didn't want the backroom at Babylon tonight. That wouldn't be enough. "Oh well, maybe he'd find someone at Babylon worthy of bringing back. Pickings had been a little slim lately.

He wondered about Michael's professor. He thought that Michael must like the guy since they had first met at his comic shop, but he hadn't realized that it could be more serious than a casual fuck. Maybe that would call a halt to Michael's bitchiness and moping around. He hoped this professor was better than dear old Dr. Dave. Yuck!

On a whim he slid the Jeep into a parking space on Liberty Avenue. It was dinner time and he hadn't had any lunch. Dinner at the diner might be a good idea. He could watch young Sunshine and try to figure out what was up with him. 

He walked through the door and saw Justin waiting on a table near the back. Some guy had his hand on Justin's ass. Brian felt an overwhelming urge to rip the arm from its socket. He swallowed hard and took a deep breath, his eyes focused on the activity surrounding Justin. 

Suddenly Justin's hand shot out and smacked the guy's hand hard. He could tell by the way the hand recoiled that it had hurt. He smiled as he calmly made his way to an empty stool at the counter. He could hear Justin's voice.

"I'm not on the menu. Keep your hands to yourself if don't want a couple of broken fingers."

Brian gulped. The blond sounded like he meant it. This was a side that he would never have expected the young artist to show. He certainly sounded like he could take care of himself.

Suddenly Justin was standing in front of him. "What can I get you?" he asked.

"I'd like to keep my fingers intact if you don't mind," Brian smirked.

"Keep your hands off my ass and you won't have a problem," Justin said still testy.

"Yes, sir," Brian saluted. 

Justin burst out laughing at Brian's actions. It was just the right icebreaker. He shook his head and smiled. "I'm sorry I took it out on you. I'm sick of being hit on. They just don't seem to get the message that I'm not interested."

Brian raised an eyebrow. "I think that guy got it loud and clear."

"I guess, but you have no idea."

"Yes, I do," Brian said sticking his tongue in his cheek.

"Oh," Justin said. This guy always knew how to fluster him. "I didn't mean that you wouldn't know because you never get hit on. Obviously you would get hit on because you're great looking. So you … would … know." Justin stopped. He had been babbling once again and he just realized what he had said. Nothing like telling a stranger how great you thought he looked.

Brian smirked to himself. It was so easy to fluster this guy. He almost wanted to take pity on him. "I'll have the pink plate special," Brian said letting Justin off the hook.

"Right away," Justin said going to put the order in.

"I'll have a coffee too," Brian said as Justin came back past him.

"Sure." Justin poured him a cup of the strong coffee.

"How do you like working here?" Brian asked casually.

"It's been great so far, aside from getting hit on. People are usually nice and the tips are great."

"I bet," Brian thought. "That's nice," he said aloud. "Going to Babylon tonight?"

"I'd like to," Justin said, "But I'm exhausted. I've got another hour here and then I'm going home to crash. I love to dance, so I'd like to go to Babylon again soon. I'm just not sure when I'll have the energy."

"Maybe we could have a dance when you get there," Brian said. Where the fuck had that come from?

"I'd … like that," Justin said with his sunshine smile.

"Good," Brian said and bit his lip. He had almost said 'It's a date.' He didn't do dates. What the fuck was he thinking asking the kid for a dance? "You know, I'm not really hungry," he said. "Here." He handed Justin twenty bucks and stood up to leave.

"But … your dinner … it's almost ready," Justin said wanting Brian to stay. "Debbie says you should eat better meals."

Brian gave Justin one of his patented glares. "Debbie doesn't fucking know everything!"

"Um … yeah … sure."

"But thanks for caring," Brian smirked and made his way out of the diner.

Justin watched him go. He couldn't figure out this tall man with the beautiful eyes. He seemed so nice most of the time, and he had asked him for a dance. He definitely wanted to do that. He had left him another monstrous tip too. Justin smiled feeling warm all over.

"Order's up," the cook called from the kitchen.

"He left," Justin said going to the order window.

"Did he pay?" Justin waved the twenty in front of the cook. "Then cash it in and eat the meal yourself, if you want it."

Things were slowing down and he would be off duty in a little while. He had missed his break too. Kiki nodded to him as he picked up the plate. Justin sat down on the stool Brian had just vacated and began to eat his dinner. The image of Brian's face would not leave his brain.

Outside the diner Brian stood looking up at the stars. He wasn't sure what had just happened in there. He had asked the fucking kid for a dance at Babylon and had almost called it a date. He had let the kid's concern about him drive him out of the diner. What the fuck was the matter with him?

\-----

A few hours later Brian, Ted and Emmett stood at one of the bars in Babylon. Ted was hitting on every decent looking guy trying to recruit them to work on his porn site. He was so patronizing to Emmett, telling him he should go home and rest rather than dance and fuck.

Brian had had enough of Ted, the big time showbiz entrepreneur. He grabbed hold of Emmett's wrist. "Nice watch," he said.

"I'm not wearing a watch," Emmett said bewildered.

"But he is," Brian said nodding towards Ted who was chatting up the hunky guy who had been after Emmett. "And it's a Rolex."

Emmett's eyes narrowed and he frowned. He didn't like being taken advantage of. He would have to have a serious word with Ted.

"There's Michael and his new beau," Emmett said pointing to the entrance. "He's one fuckilicious professor."

Brian scowled. He wasn't sure about this new guy Michael had found. He looked across the dance floor and his heart almost stopped. He knew this guy. He'd fucked this guy. Where? He wracked his brain. The White Party a couple of years ago. Shit!

Emmett was calling to Michael and asking him to come join them. Finally Michael gave up trying to ignore them and brought Ben over.

"Ben," he said, "these are my friends Ted, Emmett, and this is Brian."

There was a flicker of recognition as Ben looked at Brian but then he turned his attention to Ted who was saying something about Ben looking very familiar. They tried to make a connection until Ben mentioned that he had written a book. Brian watched unsure how to handle this strange turn of events.

"His novel was called 'R U 1 2'," Michael said proudly.

"That's it," Ted said. "I bought that book as soon as it came out."

"So you were the one?" Ben said with a big grin.

"It was very revealing."

"That's what we writers do, slice ourselves open and bleed all over the page."

Brian watched the interaction. Ben was charming and a little self-deprecating. He wasn't a pompous windbag like Dr. Dave. He certainly was good looking and those abs! Maybe he had possibilities for Michael. And he was a good fuck, a very good fuck, if Brian remembered correctly.

"Come on, Ben. Let's dance," Michael said drawing Ben back towards the dance floor.

Brian watched them go. Ben was a good dancer too as they quickly picked up the beat and began grinding together.

"Very sexy," Emmett observed.

Brian said nothing, just continued to watch.

"He's gorgeous and humble and very nice," Ted observed. "Perfect in every way, except one."

"What's that?" Emmett asked.

"He's positive," Ted said, and the word hung in the air above them like the specter of doom that it was.

"Are you sure?" Emmett asked slowly.

"He revealed his HIV status in his book."

"I can't believe it. He looks too smart to have contracted HIV," Emmett said.

"All it takes is a careless moment or an inexplicable accident, or trusting someone that you shouldn't," Brian said.

"Then you shouldn't have any problem, Bri. You don't trust anyone," Ted said as if he knew everything about Brian.

Brian did not like the implication of Ted's statement. "You don't know half as much as you think you do," Brian said quickly and turned on his heel. He'd had enough of this bullshit for one night. He made his way out of Babylon and found the Jeep.

As he climbed in Ted's words grated on his soul. He did trust some people, a few. Michael and Lindsay and Debbie and Vic, and Emmett most of the time. He thought he could trust Ted too, but his words had proven that he didn't really know Brian at all. He had intended to pick up a trick to take back to the loft, but it all had somehow lost its appeal. He peeled out of the parking lot and headed for home. Fuck them all!

\-----

An hour later he tossed and turned in his bed. He was horny and visions of a certain blond waiter kept dancing through his brain. He shoved himself up in his bed and leaned against the pillows. He could picture Justin's face and that smile, those lips. He wanted to taste them. His hand slid down his chest finding its way to his semi-erect cock. He ran his hand along it and sighed. This was going to be his only relief unless he went out prowling again. He didn't really feel like doing that.

The movements of his hand increased in speed and intensity as he imagined ramming that ass that had first attracted him to the blond. His breath came in short pants as his orgasm neared. He jerked a little faster and the orgasm ripped through him.

"Justin," came as a whisper from his lips as he milked his dick for the last drops of jizz.

Maybe now he could rest, get some sleep, put that face out of his mind. He slid down in the bed and closed his eyes.

\-----

In his stuffy little apartment near PIFA Justin slept peacefully. He was dreaming of the tall man he had met at the diner and at Babylon and at the gym. His unconscious mind pictured all the things they could do together, all the forbidden and wonderful things that two men could do to each other. He groaned in his sleep and his hand found his dick.


	3. Frozen Sunshine

Brian and the boys sat in their booth at the Liberty Diner the next morning. Brian was inside of Emmett and across from Ted who sat beside Michael. Michael was all excited about his "date" with the professor last night. The fact that Ben was HIV positive was the topic of concern.

Michael said cheerfully, "I'm positive. It was the first thing out of his mouth."

"After your dick," Brian said smirking. He hoped Michael was being careful. Brian always was and he hoped he had instilled that in his friend.

Ted began one of his sanctimonious tirades. "It's commendable that he told you, but it still doesn't change the fact that you're playing with fire. I mean, what happens if a condom breaks, or if he's flossing his teeth and his gums bleed?"

"Or if he shoots his load and you're bending over to tie your shoe and it accidentally flies up your ass?" Brian asked with a smirk. That elicited laughter from Michael and Emmett. Brian was sick of Ted's lecture.

"Jesus Christ, Brian!" Ted retorted. "Do you have to make a fucking joke out of everything, even your best friend's safety?"

Brian glared at Ted. He wished he was sitting on the outside and then he could just get up and leave. They were all fucking big boys and they could take care of themselves, some better than others he had to admit.

"I know how to be safe," Michael protested.

"No," Ted refuted him. "You think you do. We all do. But it's more than just being careful. It's knowing that you're living with death, knowing that Ben has something inside him that could kill him. And if you have just one little fuck-up, one moment of forgetfulness, just one mistake, it could kill you too."

"I think you're being a little dramatic, Teddy," Emmett intervened. "There are plenty of guys who have boyfriends who are positive."

"Those people aren't Michael," Ted replied not willing to let the subject go. He was genuinely worried about Michael's safety. "And you weren't so fucking nonchalant when you thought you might have been infected," Ted added for effect.

"Look," Michael sighed. "I appreciate your concern but you're talking about Ben like he's a disease and not a person. If you were seeing someone you cared about who was positive, I think you'd feel differently."

Brian noted that Michael had just said that he cared about Ben. This thing with the professor could be serious. The positive status of the prof worried him a bit, but it was Michael's decision. They each made their own choices.

"No, I'm sorry," Ted continued in that unforgiving voice of his. "I know it's not politically correct or nice, but no, I wouldn't do it, no matter how much I liked the guy."

"Wouldn't do what, honey?" Debbie asked arriving with the coffee pot to refill their cups.

"Date someone who's positive," Emmett filled in the missing information before anyone could shut him up. He always spoke what was on his mind.

Brian and Ted glared at him for spilling the beans. Michael didn't look pleased either, but he knew he would have to tell his mother about Ben eventually.

"Well that's a hell of an attitude!" Debbie reacted. "I gotta say I'm kinda surprised hearing it from one of you, considering how many guys you fuck."

"Yeah, numbers may vary from person to person," Ted said looking directly at Brian. 

Brian stuck his tongue out just enough to make his point with Ted. Loser! He glanced at Debbie waiting for the rest of the speech he was sure she was going to deliver. He wasn't disappointed.

"I mean one of you could be positive," she began. "The reason you're not, certainly isn't because you're always careful. I know goddam well that isn't true. You're lucky!" she said emphatically glancing around the table at each of them. "You're fucking lucky! So don't tell me you couldn't love somebody just because they're not as fortunate as you are. That's all the more reason to," she paused for effect. "If you ask me."

"Thank you, mother," Michael piped up.

"What for, honey?" she asked with a big grin.

"Ben's positive."

Brian watched the grin slowly fade from her face, and be replaced with what, fear? The change was swift but Brian knew he had seen her confidence slip. She tried to regroup.

"So, can I get you guys any thing else," she asked before moving quickly away when no one answered.

"She didn't look too happy about Ben being positive," Emmett said. Trust Emmett to state the obvious and not back away from unpleasant topics.

"Well, I'm not either," Ted continued.

"I know," Michael said exasperated. "I fucking heard you the first time." He grabbed his jacket and took off.

"You think he'll be all right?" Emmett asked looking at Brian.

Brian shrugged. "It's a scary world out there, boys and girls. We all do what we have to do." He nudged Emmett to let him out. It was time to get out of there. There was nothing he could do to help Michael. The boy had to make his own decisions. Brian wondered for a fleeting moment what he would do if he found out that a guy he liked had HIV. He snorted to himself. Yeah, like he was ever going to have anyone that he cared enough about to worry about him being positive.

\-----

Justin arrived at the diner about 5 pm. His shift started at 5:30 and ran over the dinner hour. He wondered if he would see that guy Brian. For some reason he was looking forward to talking to him again. He also wanted that dance. Maybe that's why he had arrived early, in hopes that Brian would be there. Or perhaps he hoped to fish some more information about the tall man from Debbie. She seemed to know him well.

As his eyes scanned the diner, he realized Brian wasn't there. He let out a little sigh and went to sit at the counter. Debbie was putting an order in. When she turned around she saw him sitting there and flashed a tense smile. He wondered what was wrong. She was usually so upbeat and loud.

"Hi, Sunshine," she said softly. "You're early."

"I thought I'd eat before I worked," Justin said by way of explanation.

"Want a burger and fries?"

He nodded, "And a coke."

She placed the order and returned with his coke. "Got a minute?" he asked.

She looked quizzically at him and then nodded slipping onto the stool next to him. "What's up?"

Now that he had her undivided attention, he wasn't sure how to bring up the topic of Brian. "You seem a little down," he said deciding to take a different tack. "Is something wrong?"

"I just found out some disturbing news," she said.

"Want to talk about it?" he asked.

She looked at him perhaps weighing how much she could trust him and if he was worthy of her confidence. "I found out this morning that my son is dating someone who is HIV positive."

Justin blanched at her news. He tried to recover quickly before she looked back at him. Debbie continued to stare at her hands giving him some time to think of something to say. "So how do you feel about that?" he asked playing with the straw in his coke and avoiding eye contact.

"I don't like it," she said vehemently.

"But I thought you said your brother was positive?"

"He is, but Michael isn't dating him."

"I see."

"No, you don't. Michael's putting himself at risk every time he has sex with this guy, this Ben. I'm scared shitless for him."

"But surely they'll be safe," Justin said in a soft voice.

"They fucking better be, but there's always the possibility of a broken condom or something … I don't know. I'm just worried about him."

"I guess I can understand that."

"What would you know? You're just a kid. You don't have to deal with this kind of shit. I hope you play safe," she demanded.

"Um … sure," Justin replied. He wasn't about to tell her that he didn't have sex at all these days.

"Here's your dinner," she said seeing the cook set the burger in the window. She handed it to Justin and went to finish waiting on the other tables. Kiki would be coming in soon and Debbie would be going home. She had given Justin a lot to think about.

\-----

That night the four friends met at Woody's before going to Babylon. Brian played a game of pool with Michael. Michael was hopeless but Brian used the game as an opportunity to try some risky shots and thus perfect his game.

"So where's the prof?" Brian asked.

"Yeah, where is he?" Emmett asked. "I wanted to dance with Mr. Yummy."

"Keep your hands off," Michael told him. "He's mine."

"I still think you're making a huge mistake," Ted felt compelled to say. "Get rid of him now before anything happens."

"I don't want to get rid of him and nothing's going to happen."

Ted shook his head in disbelief of the risk his friend was willing to take. "Can't you talk some sense into him?" Ted asked Brian.

"Michael's old enough to make his own decisions," Brian stated.

"Thank you," Michael said with a smile.

"Even if he doesn't know what the fuck he's doing most of the time," Brian added with a grin.

Emmett burst out laughing. That was one of the things Brian liked about Emmett. He had a good sense of humor and stood up for what he believed.

"You know, sweetie," Emmett said to Michael, "I'm not sure I could date someone who was positive. Are you sure you're okay with it?"

"I'm fine, and it depends on the person you'd be dating," Michael said with certainty. He trusted Ben implicitly.

"I don't know," Emmett repeated. "Could you do it, Brian?"

Brian heard his own thoughts from the other day coming back at him. "Who the fuck knows?" he said caustically. "I'm ready for Babylon." He threw the pool cue on the table and headed out, the others following like puppies after the alpha male.

Babylon was packed and Brian began to line up possible tricks. He was perusing a likely candidate when he saw a blond head suddenly enter the room. His gaze immediately riveted on said blond; he felt his blood quicken. It was Justin, and he looked especially hot.

Brian watched as he moved into the throng of dancers. He had a way of letting his body be taken by the music. He could find the beat and become one with the thumping rhythm, letting himself go in a way that Brian never could. Brian knew he was always too self-conscious about the image he was projecting. He needed to be cool and be perceived as cool. It was very restricting. Justin on the other hand gave himself up to the beat. He swayed and bumped and hopped as the spirit moved him, as he felt the music. He didn't care how he looked to others, and because of that he was mesmerizing. Brian was captivated.

He found himself moving out onto the dance floor, moving inexorably towards the blond. He watched a guy bump against Justin and try to rap his arms around him. Justin whispered something in his ear. Brian stopped his forward movement and waited to see what would happen. He thought maybe Justin was going to go with this guy. The man scowled and moved away. Brian smiled in spite of himself.

"Hey," he said as he got close enough to his prey to be heard above the music.

"Hey," Justin smiled looking into Brian's eyes.

Brian suddenly felt his internal temperature go up about ten degrees and all the heat seemed to be centered in the area of his groin.

"Did you come for that dance?" Justin asked all wide eyed and innocent.

Brian gulped and nodded. He had no smart remark to use as a comeback. He slid close to Justin and felt the kid move into his space and fit himself to Brian's movements. Suddenly they were dancing together perfectly. Brian knew they were attracting a lot of attention, but he didn't care. He liked where he was at the moment and the rest of the world be damned.

As the music played they drew closer and closer together. Brian's face was so close to Justin's that he could almost taste those rosy lips. Suddenly the song changed and slowed a bit. Brian's arms went automatically around the blond's waist and drew him close. Brian felt Justin tense for a moment and then relax against him. He could feel an unmistakable hardness against his groin. He smiled as he felt Justin's arms go up and around his neck. They swayed together bumping in all the right places.

They were both hard and almost panting as the song changed back to something faster. Brian stood up a little as Justin moved back.

"Thanks for the dance," Justin yelled above the pounding music.

"Want to get out of here?" Brian asked.

For a second he thought Justin was going to say yes. Then something clouded the boy's face and he shook his head. "I'm only going to dance a couple of more dances and then I'm going home. I have an early class in the morning," he explained.

Inexplicably Brian heard himself saying, "Then dance those dances with me."

Justin's high megawatt smile lit up Babylon as he nodded in acceptance of Brian's invitation to continue dancing.

They finished three or four more dances before Justin pulled away.

"I have to go," he said trying to adjust his bulging pants.

"Do you?" Brian heard himself say. Christ, he sounded like a schoolgirl.

Justin nodded. "Maybe I'll see you at the diner. I work over dinner tomorrow night."

Brian nodded and watched the blond walk away. His cock throbbed and he looked around for a potential source of relief. He grabbed a nearby dancer, whispered his invitation and they headed for the backroom.

Brian's actions had not been lost on his friends.

"Jesus, I don't know why Brian spent all that time dancing with that fucking blond," Michael griped.

"Yeah, and then he had to take someone else to the backroom," Ted added with a smirk. He loved to see Brian get turned down.

"That kid seems to be everywhere these days," Michael continued. "He can't be more than eight. How does he get in?"

"Every time you mention sweet Justin," Emmett observed, "you subtract two years off his age. Soon he'll be back in the womb."

"I wish," Michael said truthfully. He didn't like the kid, and he especially didn't like Brian's interest in him.

They ordered some more beers while they waited for Brian to return from the backroom. When he finally returned, he didn't look too chipper.

"That guy didn't work out?" Ted asked always interested in Brian's sex life.

"Let's just say that he has a lot to learn." Brian ordered a Beam.

"What happened with Justin?" Emmett asked always prepared to satisfy his curiosity.

"Do we have to talk about him?" Michael interrupted. "There must be something better for us to talk about than a six year old."

Emmett gave Michael a knowing look. He had subtracted another two years. He decided to drop the subject since it seemed to upset his friend.

Brian smiled. Trust Michael to get him off the hook. He didn't want to talk about Justin, at least not with this group. He couldn't figure the kid out. He had known from the response of Justin's body when they were dancing that the blond had wanted him, and needless to say, he wanted the blond. He shifted his jeans feeling the growing urgency of obtaining his goal.

He couldn't figure Justin out. He had known they were well on their way towards sex while they danced. Then suddenly Justin had pulled back and walked away. Brian wasn't used to being turned down. He was going to figure out what was up with this kid. And … he was going to have him. He knew that with certainty. He just had to figure out what the kid wanted and why he was so standoffish.

"Let's dance," Brian said to Michael.

Michael beamed back at him and nodded. They moved out onto the floor. Brian could always count on Michael. Michael would stroke his ego and help him forget about Justin for awhile. He needed to cool it. Then he'd find a likely prospect and take him back to the loft and fuck out all his frustrations in a willing ass.

\-----

Justin rode the bus back to his dorm in welcome silence after the ear-shattering music at Babylon. He liked riding the bus sometimes, especially when it was almost empty like it was now. He could stare out the window and watch the lights flash past. It gave him time to think, and he did need to think.

He needed to think about Brian Kinney and decide what he was going to do. Those dances with Brian had been … great! He had loved every minute of it. He knew Brian wanted him, and he sure as fuck wanted the tall guy. His dick was still hard from the dancing and growing harder as he thought about the beautiful man. They had been so close together. Somebody had said that dancing was like having sex in front of everyone else on the dance floor. That's exactly what it had been like with Brian.

But … he didn't want it to be like having sex with Brian. He wanted to have sex with Brian … for real. He wanted that so bad. He shifted in the seat trying to make a little more room for his stiff cock inside his jeans.

What the fuck was he thinking? He couldn't have sex with Brian. He couldn't have sex with anyone. He might as well face facts. Nobody would want him if they knew. 

He thought about his chat with Debbie. She was worried about her son dating some guy who was HIV positive. He could understand why she would be afraid. HIV, AIDS, positive, all scary words. He sighed. He didn't know what he was going to do. If Brian kept coming after him, he'd have to tell him that he was HIV positive too. That was the only fair thing to do.

And then he'd be all alone once again. He closed his eyes trying to block out the light that hurt his eyes where the tears were forming. His life was such a fucking piece of shit.


	4. Frozen Sunshine

The next evening after most of the dinner rush was over at the Liberty Diner, the bell above the door rang signaling another customer. Justin looked up from where he was wiping a table. It was Brian and he felt his heart skip a beat.

"Hey," he said as Brian slid into an empty booth. "All by yourself tonight?" Justin asked.

"By choice," Brian replied in his best 'don't fuck with me' voice.

"Oh, of course. I didn't mean that you couldn't get a date … if you wanted one. I just meant that you are usually here with your friends, and tonight … you're … all … alone…" He finally stopped, realizing that Brian had caused him to start rambling once again. He wasn't sure how the big guy did that. It seemed to happen so innocently, but with regularity. He frowned as he noticed that Brian seemed to be gloating. "How do you do that?"

"Do what?" Brian asked suddenly all innocence.

"Um … nothing," Justin replied suddenly feeling foolish. "Do you want something to eat?"

"This is a restaurant, isn't it?"

"Um … yeah, of course, but you didn't pick up a menu … or anything. I wasn't sure if you were waiting for someone … or if you wanted to order now… I can get you something right away … if you like…" Christ, he was doing it again. He stopped and stared at Brian.

Brian smirked back at him. "I'll have a club sandwich, no mayo," he said on a whim.

"Um … sure. Coming right up."

Justin went to put in the order. He didn't know what Brian did to him, but he seemed to become a blithering idiot every time he talked to the man. He shook his head in disbelief.

Brian smiled as he watched Justin's delicious bottom move away. He wanted that ass. The smile faded for a moment as he tried to get his lust back under control. The smile returned as he thought about his little game of Flustering Sunshine. He was very good at it, and Justin was such easy prey. Too bad he wasn't that easy when it came to sex. He needed to find out some more information.

"Could I have a coffee while I'm waiting?" Brian asked.

"Sure," Justin said and came around the counter carrying a cup and the pot of coffee. He poured Brian a cup and turned away.

"I … enjoyed our dance last night," Brian said suddenly. He wasn't sure what possessed him to say such a thing, but he didn't want Justin to leave.

"Don't you mean dances?" Justin said trying to turn the tables on Brian and fluster the older man.

"I guess it was more than one," Brian said with a grin, not at all flustered. "And full contact dancing has always been one of my favorite forms of exercise." Brian smirked at him.

The meaning and innuendo were both blatantly clear. Justin didn't know what to say. He knew if he opened his mouth he'd be babbling again. He turned and walked behind the counter putting the pot back on the burner. His brow was wrinkled with worry and frustration. He didn't know how to handle this man, no, not at all.

The bell rang indicating his order was ready. Justin walked to the window and took a deep breath as he picked up the plate and carried it towards Brian's table.

"Thanks," Brian said as Justin set it down. He turned away thinking that he might escape without making any more of a fool of himself.

"Don't I get any ketchup for my fries?" Brian asked.

Justin cringed. "Sorry, of course you do. I'll get it right now," he said as he went behind the counter to get a bottle of ketchup. "Don't know why I forgot it," Justin mumbled as he came back. He stopped short when he realized that Brian was sitting in the booth waving a ketchup bottle in front of him. It had been on the table the whole time. "Oh…" Justin said not knowing what to do, "you have it." He glanced at the bottle in his hand feeling stupid once again. "So you have everything then?" he said lamely.

"I could use a fork," Brian said with a smirk.

"Oh?" Justin reacted horrified that he had forgotten cutlery. He turned away again, but a hand grabbed his, restraining him.

"I have a fork and a knife and a spoon and a napkin. Relax," Brian said softly.

Justin had felt the heat of Brian's grip and he was sure his face was scarlet at being tricked once again. He yanked his hand away and headed for the back. He needed to get away from this man who seemed to enjoy mortifying him. He was sick of being the butt of this guy's practical jokes.

He thought he heard Brian call his name but he went into the restroom and locked the door. He noted the red blotches on his cheeks. How could he be such an idiot? That Brian was so fucking good looking, but he was a real bastard. Debbie had tried to warn him. He splashed some water on his face and steeled his resolve. There could never be anything between him and Brian, so he was finished worrying about what the tall man thought of him. From now on he'd treat Brian like every other customer, and that would be that. He dried his face and unlocked the door.

When he stepped back out into the diner, he saw immediately that the booth where Brian had been seated was empty. He had left. Justin walked over to the table. The club sandwich was untouched and a twenty dollar bill lay beside it. He frowned. Something inside him wished Brian was still there so he could tell him to shove his generous tips up his ass. He wanted to stand up to the guy and not get flustered. He wanted to stop wanting the teasing bastard. He wanted the man to know that he couldn't have Justin Taylor, nobody could.

Brian walked towards the loft. As soon as Justin had gone to the back Brian knew he had made a mistake. He thought he was being funny by teasing the blond and getting him all flustered. Only when he realized that Justin wasn't finding any humor in it, did he realize how his actions could be interpreted. He regretted what he had done. He regretted making the kid feel less than he was. He even debated staying and telling Justin that he was sorry, but he was afraid the way Justin had reacted that he would see the apology as some kind of perverse taunt. 

So he had left. He'd let Justin cool off a bit and then try to make things right in a day or two. He hoped he could do that.

\-----

Brian avoided the diner for a couple of days. He was just about finished with the Baby Wipes account and it couldn't be soon enough to suit him. He had decided that once this account was all set and under control, he would go after Justin Taylor once and for all. This time the kid would be his.

He had had a little chat with Debbie the day before. She had stopped by the loft to tell him that Michael was royally pissed off at her because she had told him that she didn't want him dating Ben. She had expected sympathy from Brian, but Brian never gave much of that. Instead she had been confronted with a few facts of life according to Brian Kinney. Brian had reminded her that Michael was thirty years old and could make his own decisions. She had not wanted to hear that, but had left knowing somewhere deep inside that she had no control over what Michael did with his life. If he loved Ben, then she would have to respect that. The most she could hope for was that Brian would use his influence over Michael to try to get Michael to see her point of view.

Brian had been slightly ambivalent telling her the facts as he saw them. He wished Michael didn't have to deal with a positive boyfriend but he also understood that HIV was a fact of life in the gay world. He supposed he had always known that some day one of the members of his small family would have to deal with it in some shape or form. They all knew what Vic was going through. That was why he was a little surprised by Debbie's vehemence against Ben. He would have thought she would be more sympathetic.

As Debbie was getting ready to leave she had asked Brian what he had done to Sunshine. Brian wasn't sure he wanted to answer that question, and had merely replied with another question. What was Sunshine complaining about? Debbie said she just knew that he was mad at Brian. He didn't explain why. She also said she had warned him that Brian could be a fucking asshole. Brian had thanked her for the glowing recommendation and then had slammed the loft door shut behind her.

Now he really had his work cut out for himself. He'd never get Justin into his bed with Debbie telling the kid to stay away from him.

\-----

Brian sauntered into Babylon on Friday night. He saw Michael dancing with Ben and made a perfunctory nod in their direction. He kept on going heading straight for the bar. The fucking Baby Wipes campaign was all mapped out and off his plate. His minions could handle all the mundane crap that was left. He felt elated that it was done, but he was also restless and horny. He wanted a couple of drinks and a certain blond boy ass.

He ordered a double Jack Daniels and a beer chaser. Tossing the Daniels back he glanced around to see Michael and Ben coming towards him. He didn't really want to be bombarded with their happy, dating chatter.

"Hey," Michael greeted him standing on tiptoes to kiss his cheek.

"Hey, yourself," Brian replied. "Ben." He nodded in the professor's direction.

"Brian," Ben said and ordered a couple of beers for him and Michael.

Brian wondered if Ben had told Michael that they had fucked at the White Party. He thought not, since Michael was in such high spirits. He was just as happy if only he and Ben knew about their little escapade. It was old history anyway.

"I hear you and your mom are on the outs," Brian said. He had told Debbie he'd do what he could to patch things up between her and her son.

"Who the fuck told you that?"

"Your mother, of course."

"Christ, she can never keep her goddam mouth shut about anything," Michael griped. "I guess you're supposed to try to get me to come around to her way of thinking." Brian nodded and Michael frowned at him. "And do you think she's right?" Michael whispered as Ben was still talking to the bartender.

Brian thought for a moment. On some level he did agree with Debbie. He wanted Michael to be safe. "No," he said finally, "I told her you were a big boy who could dress himself and everything. Well, almost," Brian added looking at Michael's usual pathetic T-shirt and jeans. "And I told her that you would make your own decisions, so she best learn to live with them."

"You did?" Michael asked beaming his approval. "So what did she say?"

"She left in a huff."

"Shit!"

"She'll get over it eventually. Be patient, Mikey."

Michael continued to scowl. He didn't like being on the outs with his mother. His smile reappeared as Ben kissed him and handed him a beer. 

Brian had been scanning the dance floor. He had found the blond head he was looking for. "See ya, boys," Brian said as he finished his beer and headed out onto the floor.

"He must have spotted his next trick," Michael observed as he watched Brian move away.

"A cute blond," Ben responded as he saw where Brian was headed.

"Fuck, not him again." Michael had seen Justin too.

"Who?"

"It's that kid from the diner that I told you about. Everybody thinks he's so fucking cute and sweet. I don't see why Brian wants anything to do with him. He's a fucking baby."

"Looks old enough to me," Ben observed. "Let's dance," he said pulling Michael onto the dance floor. He didn't like Michael's mind always being on Brian.

Brian slowly made his way through the gyrating bodies. He tossed aside several propositions on his way. He knew where he was going and he only wanted one thing, the blond at the end of this trek. He intended to have him too.

As he approached Justin he noticed another twink dancing with the blond. With a glare and a jerk of his head he directed the twink to get lost. The kid scowled but moved away. 

Justin noticed the guy leaving and shrugged his shoulders. He kept dancing knowing that somebody else would soon be his partner. He was a good dancer and somebody was always willing to dance with him. Dancing was one of the few joys in his life these days.

Suddenly he felt a presence behind him and felt arms encircle his chest. A warm, slim body rubbed up against him and it felt oh so good.

"Hey," Brian whispered against Justin's ear.

"Hey," Justin responded. It was almost a moan. 

Brian continued to rub his hard cock against the boy's luscious ass. Justin leaned into it and Brian almost came in his jeans. He gritted his teeth and fought for control. Nobody affected his body the way this lithe, young creature did.

Brian's hand slid down Justin's chest finally engulfing his package. Justin moaned louder and pushed back against Brian. Brian could feel the hard cock and swollen balls in his hand as he continued to rub and explore.

"Ahhhhhhh," Justin moaned again.

"Backroom," Brian whispered thinking the young man was more than ready.

He felt Justin tense and pull away. What had happened this time? Justin turned and blue eyes burned into his.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Justin demanded.

"What?" Brian frowned, momentarily at a loss of what more to say.

"Fuck off, and don't ever sneak up on me again." Justin marched away from Brian grabbing another dance partner as he went. They began grinding against each other immediately.

Brian stared in disbelief. Gradually he realized that half the dancers had stopped and were looking at him. Nobody turned him down, but this blond twink had. He couldn't believe what had just happened.

Brian glared at the men who dared to stare at him. He glanced around looking for a likely trick. Another blond caught his eye. He grabbed the guy by the front of his pants and began dragging him towards the backroom. He needed to get his dick sucked. He needed to prove to the unwashed masses that his reputation was still intact, but more than that he needed to reaffirm that he could have anyone he wanted. That was - anyone, except a twink named Justin Taylor.

\-----

Justin reported for work at the diner the next day. He had been shaken by his reaction to Brian on the dance floor. He had gotten so hot and horny that he had barely been able to stand it, and then he had found out that it was that bastard Brian Kinney that had got him all worked up. He vowed to pay the asshole back for every time he had made a fool of him. 

The first step had been to leave him cold on the dance floor. He had enjoyed that at some level, but his cock had ached for the man for hours afterward. He couldn't explain his unprecedented reaction to the man. He was everything Justin detested, a sexual predator, an egotistical asshole, a promiscuous blackguard. Yet … he was funny and charming and so beautiful. He was everything Justin dreamed of. Justin knew he was all mixed up about Brian Kinney, but he also knew that he could never have the man, so he might as well forget him.

\-----

Brian drove down Liberty Avenue. As he approached the diner he looked around for a parking space. He saw one quite close to the diner and pulled in. He shut off the engine of the Jeep and sat there thinking.

It had been his intention to go into the diner and try to make things right with Justin. He knew it might even take a full blown apology to do that. That was the part that was holding him back. He didn't believe in apologies. He didn't believe in regretting things that had been done. You dealt with them and went on. That had always been his belief. Look at his own fucking life. Nobody apologized to him for all the things that had been done to him, and he had got along just fine. He frowned.

He knew he had hurt the kid, Justin. He should start calling him Justin … or Sunshine. He liked that name. He smiled to himself. He had grown kind of fond of little Sunshine until last night at Babylon. He couldn't believe that the kid had turned him down cold and told him to fuck off in front of the whole club. But he had deserved it. He had treated him like some chew toy, nipping and nibbling at his self-confidence again and again. He hadn't really known the boy well enough to do that, well enough to predict his reaction. And boy had he reacted!

He couldn't quite figure out what was with Justin Taylor. Brian knew he wanted that ass, wanted the kid in his bed, wanted to fuck him senseless. But was that all it was? He could have anybody he wanted, so why did he want this blond kid? Why did he want something he apparently couldn't have? Was it the thrill of the chase and eventual conquest that kept him clambering after the twink? Or was it something else?

Brian thought long and hard about that. He knew his body responded to the kid in a way that it did with very few others. Christ, he merely had to look at the kid and he was hard. And when Justin blasted that sunshine smile of his, Brian knew he would almost come in his pants. Yeah, the kid had lots of sex appeal. In fact he was starting to get hard just thinking about Justin. But there was something else.

He had enjoyed teasing the boy, and not in a malicious way. He liked the way Justin got flustered and blushed so easily. It was charming and … endearing. Jesus, he was starting to sound like Lindsay. He shook himself to counteract those thoughts.

He looked over at the Liberty Diner. He was pretty sure Justin would be working there now. Was he ready to confront him? He didn't think the diner was a good place for a confrontation. Maybe he should catch Justin at the gym and ask him to go for coffee. Then they could talk in private. Or he could ask him back to the loft. Yeah, like he'd come! Was he actually planning on making a date with this kid?

Brian shivered at that thought. He scowled in the direction of the diner and started the Jeep. There were lots of other fish in the sea and he was going to get some right now. To Hell with Justin Taylor! The baths and a few good, hard fucks were calling to him. He pulled out into traffic and headed for a place he knew, and that knew him.


	5. Frozen Sunshine

Brian walked into the gym to appraising glances from several of the newer members of the establishment. He had been feeling a little less than par since Justin had rejected him on the dance floor at Babylon. He thought maybe a little work on tightening his abs and developing his pecs might make him feel better. A little extracurricular activity in the steam room wouldn't hurt either.

He headed for the weights which he always did first when he was on his own. A glance at the bench press told him it was occupied. He groaned inwardly. He hated waiting. Another glance to see if the guy might be finished soon and he realized that it was Justin who was pressing the barbell above his head.

Maybe this was the opportunity to try to make amends to the blond. Brian approached cautiously.

"Hey," he said.

Justin glanced up and his face hardened. "Fuck off," was all he said.

"Justin, I…" Brian didn't know how to continue.

"Just leave me alone. I've had enough of your games."

"I wish it were that simple," Brian muttered.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Justin asked sitting up.

Brian realized that he had said that aloud. He also saw that it had got the blond's attention. He decided to take the bull by the horns so to speak. "I've been trying to say that … I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings."

"Well, you did," Justin told him bluntly.

"Can … can I make it up to you?" Brian asked feeling eminently stupid, and hoping nobody else was listening to their conversation.

"The best way you can make it up to me is to leave me alone and only speak to me when it is absolutely necessary." Justin got up from the bench and moved to another piece of equipment. He was actually pretty much finished with his workout, but he'd be damned if he'd let Brian Kinney drive him out of the gym.

"Justin," Brian tried again, but he was immediately cut off.

"Apparently your apology doesn't mean very much, since you've already broken the things I asked you to do."

"You have no idea what that apology cost," Brian said and shook his head. He started to move away deciding that maybe it was best if he put the blond entirely out of his mind. If only that was possible.

"Wait," he heard a voice say from behind him. "Since you haven't made me flustered or embarrassed since you started talking to me, maybe I'll take pity on you." Justin watched Brian's eyebrows shoot up at the word pity. He thought that would get Brian's attention. He had talked to Debbie several times about Brian Kinney and from what she had told him, Brian never apologized, so the fact that he had must be significant. He also knew that a man like Brian would not want anyone's pity, but he had deliberately used that word to see what Brian would do.

"So what are you going to do?" Brian asked hesitantly.

"I thought I might let you buy me coffee after I have a shower."

A slight smile played at the corner of Brian's lips. "That sounds like a plan."

Justin smiled. Brian had taken the bait. He would like to have coffee with the man and find out more about him. He could be very nice when he wasn't being an asshole. "I'm going to shower."

"I'll be waiting," Brian replied as he watched Justin walk away.

Justin smiled to himself. He knew Brian hadn't even started his workout, so that meant that having coffee with him had moved up on the Brian Kinney scale of things to do. For some reason that gave him enormous pleasure.

When Justin emerged from the change rooms a while later, he saw Brian all dressed and sitting by the front door. He casually walked over. "Ready?" he asked with a smile.

Brian got up and pushed the door open holding it for Justin. Justin smiled more broadly and walked through. He was sure people in the gym must be watching this little encounter and wondering what the fuck had gotten into Brian Kinney. Justin felt positively warm inside.

They walked along the street until they came to a Starbucks. Justin looked at Brian who nodded. Justin waited and Brian once again held the door open for him. They ordered their coffees and found a secluded corner table to sit at.

Brian took a sip of his coffee wondering what the fuck he was going to say now. He couldn't believe that he had held the doors for Justin and acted like a contrite little wuss. He was top dog on Liberty Avenue, but this blond was making him act like a whipped puppy. Funny though, being here with Justin seemed to make that all right. 

"So … why did you apologize?" Justin asked deciding to be blunt and find out what Brian wanted.

"I'm … not sure," Brian said with a crooked little grin. "I never apologize."

"So I've heard."

"From who?"

"Debbie."

"Of course," Brian said making a face.

"She also told me that I should watch out for you and keep my distance."

"She's probably right," Brian admitted shaking his head.

"Then why are we here?"

"Fuck if I know."

Justin laughed and the sound of it pleased Brian somewhere deep inside.

"So after we have coffee do you turn back into the asshole I was mad at?" Justin asked.

Brian wasn't sure how to answer that, so he chose not to. "I'd rather turn into the guy you were dancing with the other night at Babylon."

Justin looked slightly uncomfortable. "I … I didn't know that was you behind me."

"But you were so hot."

"So were you," Justin admitted.

"Can we do that again?" 

"I … I don't think that's such a good idea," Justin said hesitantly. He actually would like nothing better, but he knew it could never be, especially what he wanted so desperately to have happen after the dance.

"Why not?"

"It just isn't."

"I've noticed that you turn everybody down, not just me."

"I'm an equal opportunity asshole," Justin said.

Brian smirked and Justin realized what that sounded like. Before he could get all flustered, Brian said with a little grin," It would be nice not to get turned down one of these times."

Justin blinked almost wanting to kiss the man for saying such a sweet thing. Not knowing what else to say or do, Justin said, "I'm finished with my coffee. Want to go for a walk?"

"Sure," Brian agreed standing up.

They walked along Liberty Avenue with no clear purpose in mind. Brian realized that he had instinctively headed towards home. He wondered how Justin would feel about that.

"Could I see your loft?" Justin said as if reading Brian's thoughts.

"Sure. Why?"

"I've heard so much about it," Justin said with a smirk.

"From whom?" Brian asked with a frown. For once he wasn't too happy about his reputation preceding him.

"Oh, Debbie and several of the guys who's come into the diner."

"Am I a constant topic of conversation?" Brian asked amused.

"Not constant, but fairly often."

"Are you sure you want to be taken inside the lair of the beast of Liberty Avenue?"

"I'll take my chances," Justin said with a chuckle. He did like Brian and his self-deprecating sense of humor, most of the time anyway. 

They continued walking until Brian slowed and pulled out his key to the front door. "Here we are," he said with a wave of his arm and a bow as he held the door for Justin and ushered him inside.

Brian wondered what had come over him. He had never acted like this in his life. He wondered fleetingly if Justin Taylor could be some kind of pod person who was gradually taking over his life and turning him into a strange, compliant representation of his old self. Maybe he was becoming a Stepford Wife. He shivered at the thought, both of what Stepford represented and the thought of being someone's wife. He must be verging on insanity.

"Is something wrong?" Justin asked as they rode up in the elevator.

Brian wondered if he had twitched so noticeably that Justin had caught on. "No, why?"

"You seem … distracted."

Brian let out a sigh of relief and pulled up the gate as the elevator came to a stop. He unlocked the door to the loft and slid it back. "Home sweet home," Brian said as they stepped inside.

"This is a great place," Justin said taking a few steps into the loft and looking around. "Great kitchen! Do you cook?"

"Obviously that's something about me that you haven't discussed with Debbie."

"I take that to mean that you don't cook?" Brian nodded. "Well, you should."

"Do you?"

"Sometimes, but I seem to be eating at the diner a lot lately."

"That food will kill you."

Justin looked thoughtful at Brian's statement but said nothing.

"Would you like a beer?" Brian asked.

"Um … sure."

"Have a seat and I'll bring it over."

Justin sat down on the white sofa. He wondered what the hell he was doing there. He had enjoyed having coffee with Brian and the little chat they had had. He hardly ever got to talk to anybody anymore, except Daphne. Guys still hit on him quite regularly, but all they wanted was sex, and he couldn't give that … or receive for that matter. He smiled ruefully to himself.

Brian was different somehow. He seemed to be willing to talk, and he was interesting and funny. Justin realized that he had been starved for some genuine human contact. He knew Brian wanted to have sex with him. He wondered if he would be kicked out when he told Brian that was never going to happen.

A beer appeared in front of his face. "Thanks," he said taking it. He took a sip.

"How old are you?" Brian asked suddenly.

"Almost nineteen. Why?"

"My friend Michael, Debbie's son, is sure you're only fourteen."

Justin snorted. "People always think I'm a kid, that I don't know shit."

"I never thought that."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

"Why did you bring me here tonight?" Justin asked his blue eyes gazing into Brian's.

"If I recall correctly," Brian said his tongue in cheek, "you asked to see the loft."

"Oh, that's right. I did." Justin looked rather sheepish.

"Maybe I should turn that question around and ask you why you are here?"

Justin gulped. How could he tell Brian what he had been thinking? He didn't know what to say. Finally he said softly, "I enjoy your company."

Brian chuckled. "That may be just about the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me."

"It's true."

"Thank you," Brian said with what sounded like sincerity. "I enjoy your company too."

Justin's smile was blinding in its intensity. Brian wished for a split second that he could always feel the warm glow from that radiant smile.

"Um … you haven't seen the bedroom yet," Brian said wondering what Justin's reaction would be.

"Maybe … maybe another time," Justin said hesitantly. He looked longingly at the area behind the smoky partitions.

Brian watched Justin's reaction puzzled by the young man. "Will there be another time?" Brian asked.

"Um … I could … cook you dinner some time," Justin said hesitantly.

"I think I'd like that," Brian said with a smile.

"But you realize it's only dinner?" Justin said stressing the word only.

"Sure, how about tomorrow night?"

"I'm not working at the diner so that could be arranged."

"I have next to no food here so you better tell me what you want me to get," Brian said dreading having to go shopping.

"Why don't you meet me at the market on Liberty and we can pick out what we want for dinner. Then we'll bring it back her and I'll cook it for you."

"Are you sure? What if I picked lamb's brains as the entrée?"

"Like eating raw food alone, do you?" Justin asked wrinkling his perky nose.

Brian laughed. "I guess we could pick something more mundane like chicken."

"Chicken it is, or we might find something more interesting at the market. We can check out the specials."

Brian had never checked out the specials in his life. He didn't care enough about eating or about saving money to bother. Doing this with Justin might be interesting, virgin territory. He smiled in spite of himself.

Justin stood and moved to the loft door. "I'll be at the market at six. Does that work for you?"

"I'll make it work," Brian said pulling back the door.

Justin smiled as he stepped out turning to thank Brian for the coffee. Brian leaned in and kissed Justin softly on the lips. For a second he thought Justin was going to kiss him back, could almost feel the longing coming from the other man. Then the wall went back up and Justin turned away. He called goodbye over his shoulder as he took the stairs down. Brian stared after him wondering what he had got himself into.

\-----

At six o'clock Brian pulled into the lot at the supermarket. He saw Justin standing by the front doors of the store. He smiled for no reason at all. The kid was punctual.

"Hey," he said as he approached.

"Hey," Justin smiled.

They went inside Justin grabbing a cart. 

"Are we filling that?" Brian asked with a horrified look on his face.

"We could," Justin said teasingly, "and I could move in for a month and help you eat it." Justin realized what he had said and his face reddened in embarrassment. 

"Can you tell how often I shop for food?" Brian asked to cover Justin's embarrassment. "I don't think I've ever used one of these things." Brian settled behind the cart and began pushing. He could see some of the tension leave Justin's body at his words.

"I'll have to train you how to shop properly," Justin said. "You're just a neophyte who needs to learn the basics."

"Such as?"

"Always get a cart even if you only need a few things."

"Why?" Brian asked frowning.

"You really are new at this, aren't you?" Justin said chuckling and shaking his head. "The cart allows you to keep your hands free so that you can pick things up and examine them. You only want to buy fresh items." He was checking through the produce and adding items to the cart. "A cart also means you don't get tired lugging a basket which always gets too full and too heavy."

"I see," Brian smirked. He was enjoying the shopping lesson and the mini lecture.

By the time they got to the check-out they were laughing and joking with each other like comfortable old friends. Brian couldn't remember when he had had a better time.

Justin took over the kitchen when they got back to the loft. He gave Brian the job of washing and chopping vegetables for the salad. He got the chicken ready and put it in the oven. It was covered with delicious smelling fresh herbs that Justin had insisted on buying at the market. They put the completed salad in the fridge and took a couple of beers to the sofa while they waited for the chicken to cook.

"I brought you something," Justin said after they had sat in silence for a couple of minutes.

"You did? I should be the one getting you something. You're doing all the work."

"It's not exactly a gift. Oh, why don't I just show you?" Justin stood up and went to retrieve his messenger bag which he had dropped by the loft door. He fished around inside it and came back carrying a sketchbook. "I hope you like it," Justin said flipping through the pages and finally stopping at one. He handed the opened book to Brian.

Brian took the sketchbook and studied what Justin had drawn. He felt the young man sit down beside him. He could barely believe his eyes. It was a sketch of him, his face. But he looked so young and so open and so happy … and so innocent. He could feel tears behind his eyes. He had always wanted to look and feel like that, but he didn't think he ever had, even when he was Justin's age.

"You don't like it, do you?" Justin asked taking his silence for dislike.

"It's beautiful," Brian whispered. "Do you really see this when you look at me?"

"I do," Justin whispered back, feeling warm all over that Brian did like the sketch. "Would you like to keep it?" Justin asked. Brian nodded and Justin took the sketchbook carefully pulling the page out and handing it back to Brian. Brian remained silent staring at the drawing. Justin sipped his beer not knowing what to say.

"I should check on the chicken," Justin said getting up and heading to the kitchen.

Brian took a deep breath. He didn't really know why the picture had affected him so much. All he knew was that Justin Taylor did things to his mind and his heart and his soul that no one had ever done. He knew he was getting into something that he had no experience with, something that seemed to be turning his life upside down. He wondered what the fuck he was going to do about it.

"It's ready," Justin called.

Brian tried to shake himself out of the lethargy that seemed to have overtaken his limbs. He got up and went to eat the dinner that this amazing young man had so carefully prepared.


	6. Frozen Sunshine

Brian awoke the next morning with an unsettled feeling in the pit of his stomach. He didn't know what was wrong with him, but he needed to get real.

He went to the bathroom to piss. He turned on the shower and climbed in. His mind immediately went to his dinner with Justin and the aftermath. He wasn't sure what it all meant. 

Dinner had been okay. They had eaten the delicious chicken. Brian had almost forgotten what a home cooked meal was like. Debbie always had pasta which was delicious but this was a meal like his mother used to prepare. He had no relationship with her now, but one thing about his mother, she had always been a good cook. The few happy times he could remember as a child usually occurred around the dinner table when both his parents were sober and usually planning some small expedition for the family. That was about the only times that Brian had ever felt like he belonged to a family. Those times had been few and far between.

After he and Justin had finished dinner along with a bottle of wine, they were sufficiently mellow. They had moved back to the couch and had decided to watch an old Brando movie that Brian had on tape. Justin had never seen "The Wild Ones", but he had seemed to like it. They had snuggled against each other and watched in companionable silence. As the movie ended, Brian had leaned in and kissed Justin's enticing lips. To his surprise Justin responded and they had spent several minutes just kissing. Brian had to admit that he had enjoyed kissing Justin a whole lot. His cock grew hard just thinking about it. 

His hand reached for the stiffening member slick with soap and water, and he stroked as he thought about those kisses. They had been hot and passionate, lots of tongue and caresses. His hand moved faster at the memory. Then they had groped and bucked against each other until they were panting with need. Brian's hand tugged harder and faster. He could feel his balls draw up. And then they had been grabbing at each other's clothes. He had gotten Justin's T-shirt off and was starting to pull down the zipper of his cargo pants. Brian jerked his dick more forcefully and suddenly he was coming in short spurts as he milked his cock.

He stood under the warm water letting it rinse away all evidence of what he had just done. Funny, but that was how last night had ended too. Justin had suddenly leapt up as Brian's hand had found his dick. He made some lame excuse about having an assignment due the next day and had run out of the loft without further explanation. Brian had jerked off in the shower before he had crawled into his empty bed. 

He shook the water out of his hair as he turned off the shower. He didn't know what the fuck was up with Justin Taylor. He doubted the kid was a virgin. He certainly knew how to kiss. He had been rubbing all the right places and had seemed to be as into Brian as Brian was into him. Then suddenly he had frozen and beat a hasty retreat.

Brian finished drying himself off and went to get some clothes. He knew he had a busy day at work to look forward to. Maybe that would help to keep his mind off a certain blond. He wondered what he was going to do about Justin. He couldn't keep on like this. He wanted the guy, almost more than he had ever wanted anyone, but it didn't seem like Justin was going to allow anything to happen between them. Maybe he should forget the kid, but somehow he knew that wasn't an option.

\-----

Brian returned to the loft after work. It was almost nine o'clock. It had been a long and largely boring day. The accounts he was currently working on had run into some snafus and he had spent hours trying to straighten out the mess. His head throbbed slightly and his cock wanted some attention. He decided to go to Woody's and see if he could find someone to bring back to the loft. He wanted a long, hard fuck. In fact he wanted several.

As Brian was in the process of donning more casual clothes after his shower the phone rang. He debated letting it go to the machine, but finally decided to answer it.

"Yeah," he said picking up.

"Brian?"

"Who is this?" Brian asked thinking that he recognized the voice but wanting to be sure.

"It's Justin."

"I thought it was, but after the way you ran out of here last night, I never thought I'd hear from you again."

"I … I'm sorry about that," Justin said slowly. "In fact that's why I called. If you wouldn't mind, I'd like to come over and explain why I took off last night."

Brian groaned inwardly. He wanted, no he needed a fuck, and now Justin was asking to come there. How could he be near the blond for any length of time within screwing him into the hardwood? "Are you sure you want to come here?" Brian asked.

"Do you think we should meet somewhere more … public?"

That answered Brian's question. Justin definitely didn't want to fuck. But, Brian didn't want their business aired in public either. "Come here if you like," he said.

"I can be there in about a half hour," Justin replied.

"Okay." Brian cut the connection. He went to the fridge and grabbed a beer. He wanted something harder, but he felt like he wanted a clear head while he talked to Justin. Maybe they could get everything out in the open once and for all.

The buzzer startled Brian from his thoughts. He had been running all of the possible outcomes of his meeting with Justin through his head. None of them had turned out the way he wanted. Somehow he dreaded what the blond was going to tell him.

He pushed the release for the outside door and then pulled back the loft door leaning against the frame as he waited for Justin to arrive. The blond head appeared, coming up the stairs.

"The elevator does work," Brian said with a smirk.

"The exercise is good for me. I need to stay healthy."

Brian frowned. Why didn't that statement sound quite right? He allowed Justin to pass keeping his position in the doorway and making it necessary for Justin to brush up against him. He took a brief whiff of Justin's scent, lemon and sandalwood, as the man went by.

"Want a drink?" Brian asked.

"I guess I could use one," Justin admitted sitting down on the couch.

Brian got them each a beer and joined Justin sitting in one of the chairs. He thought it wise to keep his distance until he heard what Justin had come to say.

Justin noted Brian's choice of seats. In some ways he was relieved, but in another way he would have liked to have Brian's strong arms around him. After his revelation, he wondered if Brian would even want to talk to him.

"I guess you're wondering why I took off so suddenly last night?" Justin asked.

"You mean you didn't have an assignment to do?" Brian asked in his best pretend naïve voice.

Justin chuckled. "No, I didn't actually have an assignment, at least not one that was due today."

"So what's going on?" Brian asked, suddenly serious.

"This is very hard for me to discuss, but I thought after what happened last night you deserved an explanation."

"Don't you mean after what didn't happen last night?"

"Yeah, I guess I do. Anyway, I haven't been with anybody for a long time because … I'm HIV positive," Justin said softly.

"What?" Brian reacted. He couldn't believe his ears.

"I said I'm HIV positive," Justin repeated louder this time.

"How? You're so young."

"Youth has little to do with it, although maybe it's related to my inexperience," Justin said shaking his head.

"Tell me," Brian said simply.

"When I was seventeen I was sure I was gay, but I'd never done anything about it. I had heard of Liberty Avenue and I decided one night that I was going to find out what it really meant to be gay."

"You were a virgin?"

"Oh yeah! I had never done anything at that point. Not with a man … or woman for that matter."

"So what happened?" Brian asked thinking that he could hazard a guess.

"I wandered all over Liberty Avenue. Some guys hit on me but most of them were too scary. I wish I had met someone like you."

Brian felt his stomach twist. He wished Justin had met him too. "But you did find someone?"

"I was getting kind of desperate. I didn't want to go home the same poor, pathetic, little virgin I had come there as. Finally this guy hit on me. He didn't look bad. He was probably mid-twenties and pretty muscular. I remember thinking that his eyes seemed kind of cold but he was quite hot looking. I was so horny. He said his car was in an alley nearby and we went there. He pushed me against the car and started kissing and ripping at my clothes. He opened the back door and shoved me in pulling my pants off as he did. The next thing I knew he flipped me on my stomach and I could feel his dick pressed into my ass. I asked him if he had a condom on and he told me to shut up. I tried to get up but he wouldn't let me. He hurt me … and he didn't have a condom on." Justin's voice faded away to nothing as his words stopped.

"Fuck!" Brian reacted. "Did you have the fucker arrested?"

"I couldn't do anything. My parents didn't even know I was gay at that point. I was so scared. I told my friend Daphne what had happened a couple of weeks later. I had to have somebody to talk to. I was so alone."

"At least you had her," Brian offered.

"She convinced me to get tested. The first one came up negative and I was so relieved. But they said I had to come back several more times for repeats because it doesn't always show up right away. The second test was positive."

"Shit! So there's no doubt." 

Justin shook his head. "This is the second year I've been living with this. That's why I joined the gym. I need to stay healthy as much as possible. That is if I want to live, and I guess I do, since I've been trying to take care of myself."

Brian could hear the desperation in Justin's voice. He wished there was something he could do. "Did anything happen with that fucker who raped you?"

"Raped?"

"Well wasn't that what it was?"

"I … I never thought of it like that. I wanted him to have sex with me."

"But you tried to stop him. You asked him to wear a condom. And he fucking didn't! That's rape as far as I'm concerned."

"It doesn't matter now," Justin said sadly. "I didn't know who he was or how to contact him. I never saw him again. I couldn't help the people who notify those who have had sex with someone who might be positive."

"So that asshole could still be out there infecting others?" Brian asked.

"Yeah. He could."

"He should have his goddam dick ripped off by a pack of wild dogs," Brian declared vehemently.

"Jesus, remind me never to get on your bad side."

Brian glared back at Justin. It fucking made him crazy how some asshole could do that to anyone, let alone a young, innocent boy.

Justin had seen the emotions play across Brian's face. He knew the man was angry, and he was sure that some of that anger must be directed at him for leading him on. "I should be going," Justin said. "I just wanted you to know the story and that I really like you and I wasn't running away from you. I guess I was trying to run away from my feelings for you." Justin started to walk towards the loft door.

"Stay," Brian said from behind him.

Justin turned. "What did you say?"

"I asked you to stay."

"But why? You don't want someone who's positive around you. Nobody wants me."

"Don't tell me what I want," Brian said with just a touch of anger. He wasn't sure why he had asked the boy to stay. He just knew that he didn't want him to leave.

"I didn't mean … I don't know … what you want. I just thought that you would be like everybody else … and kick me out once you knew," Justin's voice had a couple of hitches in it betraying the emotions he was trying to keep under control.

"Is that what's happened?" Brian asked gently. Justin nodded. "Well, I'm not asking you to leave," he stated. "Come here."

Justin slowly walked towards Brian wondering what the man was going to do. He had not expected this turn of events. Brian stood up and held out his arms. Justin walked into them feeling the strong embrace surround him. And then the tears began. 

He cried for all his missed experiences. He cried for all the times, few as they were, when he had been rejected once he had told the man he was positive. He cried for his lost youth. And he cried because somebody cared … finally. 

Brian held the slim body against his. He felt the sobs that wracked the boy and his heart broke for him. Nobody should have to deal with HIV, especially not one so young. He wondered about all the men who had kicked Justin out once they had found out. That must have broken his heart. No wonder he was so reluctant to trust anybody, to take a chance that he wouldn't be rejected. So Justin did the rejecting first.

"I … I'm sorry," Justin gulped against his chest. He tried to pull away.

"Don't be sorry and just stay where you are," Brian said gently. He felt Justin's hold on him tighten and they continued to stand there in silence.

Gradually Justin seemed to regain control. Brian could feel his hand move from his back to wipe at the tears on his face. 

"Want a tissue?" Brian asked. Justin nodded. "There's some in the bathroom. Why don't you go up and throw some water on your face. I'll wait for you here."

Justin nodded and headed to the bathroom. Brian could hear him blowing his nose. He walked to the windows and stared out at the darkness. The boy must have been living in darkness for months, so alone. Brian shuddered. He knew what it was like to be alone. That was how he had felt growing up. It had only got better after he had met Michael and found a new family with Debbie and later Vic. He thought about Vic. He and Justin and Ben. He shook his head at the injustice of it all. They were all good people. They didn't deserve this fate. 

"Brian," a soft voice said from behind him. He turned to find a battered looking Justin who tried to smile as best he could. "I'll get out of your hair now," Justin said. "I'm sorry about that, but I'm not used to anyone actually caring what happens to me."

"I asked you to stay and I still haven't asked you to leave," Brian said staring into the blue eyes still filled with pain.

"Thank you for that but I don't want to overstay my welcome."

"You haven't."

Justin stared into the golden eyes and wanted to cry all over again. "You're going to make me cry … again," Justin gulped.

"Don't. We've had enough tears for one evening."

"Thank you," Justin said and he leaned in to give Brian a kiss. The kiss was chaste at first but Brian deepened it until they were both breathless. Justin looked into Brian's eyes once he released him. "I wish…" he started. 

Brian put his finger on Justin's lips and stopped any further words. He knew what Justin wished. It was the same thing he wished for. And he had decided while Justin was in the bathroom that it was going to happen. He was a little scared, but he wanted this. He wanted to do it for Justin, not just for himself. He took Justin's hand and led him up the steps to the bedroom. 

Justin's eyes were enormous. "Are you sure?" he asked.

"No, but I want to do this," Brian whispered.

Slowly they undressed each other kissing and touching, prolonging the thrill of seeing each other naked, of feeling naked skin against naked skin, of being so close and together.

"We can still stop," Justin gasped when they were fully aroused. "You don't have too."

"I know that, but I gave this a lot of thought while you were in the bathroom. I have fucked a lot of men. I'm sure some of them were positive even though I didn't know it. Some of them may not have known it either. Michael's boyfriend, Ben?" Brian asked. Justin nodded. "I fucked him at the White Party. He was probably positive then. I've always been careful and I'll continue to be."

"I want you so much," Justin said tears in his eyes. "But only if you're sure."

"I'm sure."

"I feel like this is my first time."

"Déjà vu, all over again?"

"No, no, I meant that I was … raped … the first time." Justin used Brian's word. "This will truly be my first time … willingly."

"I'll be gentle," Brian said with a goofy grin.

"Thanks," Justin giggled and they smiled at each other. Justin thought that this was what the first time should be like.

Brian thought that this was how a boy's first time should be. He wanted to make it good for Justin. "Ready?" he asked. Justin nodded.

When his throbbing cock breached the first ring of muscle in Justin's hole Brian had a moment's hesitation. He understood the enormity of what he was doing, but he also understood that Justin had come to mean something special to him. He hadn’t quite figured out what yet, but they could work on that later. Right now this was what they both wanted.

Brian watched Justin's face as it screwed up in pain. He waited until the boy relaxed and then he drove home. Justin cried out in pain and excitement. Brian waited once again until he was sure Justin had adjusted to his size.

"You okay?" Brian asked.

"Oh God, Brian, I can't believe this." He pulled Brian's face down to his for a deep kiss.

Brian drew back as the kiss ended and then thrust forward. He felt Justin's hips rise up to meet his thrust and he smiled. The boy's legs were locked around his waist. The blue eyes that had been so full of pain now smiled back at him in joy and amazement. Brian thrust again and heard Justin gasp.

"Feel good?" Brian asked.

"Oh fuck, yes!"

Brian chuckled and began to thrust in earnest. Justin responded to each movement. He gasped his pleasure and clung to Brian's arms and called his name and whimpered his ecstasy. Brian wanted to prolong the pleasure for both of them, but he felt his orgasm building, the telltale jolts of electricity running up and down his spine. 

"I'm close," Brian whispered against Justin's throat as he took a nip out of the soft skin there.

"Oh, oh, oh," Justin called out and then he was shooting all over them both. 

Justin's anus clamped down on Brian's dick and his orgasm exploded inside the boy. He filled the condom and dropped exhausted on top of the smaller man. He stayed still until the room stopped tilting at disconcerting angles.

"Fuck," he gasped as he rolled off the boy and got rid of the condom.

"That was incredible," Justin gasped staring at Brian.

"It was pretty awesome all right," Brian grinned at him.

"Um…" Justin began. 

"What?" Brian wondered if he had done something to upset Justin.

"Debbie said nobody gets to stay here after sex, so should I leave now. I'm not up on my sex etiquette."

"Fuck Debbie," Brian reacted. "You stay right where you are." He reached down and pulled the sheet over them both. "Debbie doesn't know half as much as she thinks she does."

"I can stay … for a while?" Justin asked with a little smile.

"You can stay as long as you want," Brian said forcefully. He wasn't sure why he felt that way but he did.

"I can?" Justin asked amazed at this wonderful man.

"That first time was so good; we might just have to do that again."

"Could we?" Justin asked with a happy grin on his face.

"It's the least I can do for a valued guest."

Justin snuggled up against the tall man and felt those strong arms pull him in close. He had never felt better in his life.


	7. Frozen Sunshine

Brian awoke to a strange feeling. Something seemed to be wrapped around him pinning him to the bed. He opened his eyes blinking as he realized that what had him anchored to the bed was Justin. He stared at the top of the blond head lying on his chest.

He needed to piss, but he didn't want to wake the boy. He looked at Justin sleeping peacefully and realized that he had had a great sleep too. He didn't often sleep through the night without waking several times. He had fucked Justin at least three times, maybe more and they had fallen asleep exhausted. He wasn't sure either of them had moved all night. This seemed to be how they were just before he had drifted off.

Brian realized that he really needed to pee. He carefully lifted the arm that was flung across his chest. He started to slide inch by inch towards the side of the bed. He had almost achieved his goal when he heard something.

"Don't go," Justin whispered his eyes still closed. He snuggled closer.

"If you don't let me go, I'm going to go right here in the bed."

"Oh," Justin said sitting up a bit and rubbing at his eyes.

Brian used that movement to escape to the bathroom. He made a beeline to the toilet and emptied his bladder with a satisfied sigh.

"Feel better?" Justin asked with a grin when Brian returned to the bedroom.

Brian looked down at the blond. They had had quite a night. The kid must have used up a good part of his pent up sexual energy. Brian's dick twitched at the thought. The movement wasn't lost on Justin.

"You up for another one?" he asked.

Brian snorted. "Didn't you get enough last night?"

"Never enough," Justin declared stretching luxuriously.

"Youth!" Brian scoffed.

"Come on, old man, you showed me your stamina last night." Justin watched Brian glare at him at his choice of "old man" as a designation. He was immediately sorry that he had said it. "I … I'm sorry. I didn't mean that you … I was kidding … I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry."

"Jesus, you're easy. I can still fluster you with a look," Brian snorted.

"Asshole," Justin complained hoping that Brian really had been teasing him.

"That's my name. Don't abuse it."

"It's not your name, you know. You are about the sweetest man I have ever met."

"Jesus Christ, don't say that in public. I'll never live it down."

Justin giggled. "Your secret is safe with me." He paused. "Is my secret safe with you?"

"You don't want anybody to know you're positive?"

Justin shook his head. "I've had too many bad experiences when people find out."

"I won't say anything if you don't want me to, but I think it's usually better to be upfront about something like that."

"Not in my experience."

Brian shrugged. "Do what you think is best."

"Should I leave now?" Justin asked thinking that their conversation had put a damper on any other activity.

"What is your problem with staying put? You don't have to go anywhere."

"I don't?" Justin asked with one of those sunshine smiles.

"I thought you wanted to fool around a little more?"

"I do."

"Then scoot over," Brian ordered as he climbed back into bed. He suddenly found his arms full of blond boy and his mouth captured by succulent lips. Somehow it felt very right.

\-----

Brian had managed to get to work on time … barely. He thought back to the morning activities in bed as he sat at his desk. That little Sunshine had some sexual appetite, and he was a quick study. He didn't really know a lot about sex but he did so many things instinctually. Brian smiled. And he learned whatever Brian taught him at lightning speed. He was a natural.

He had dropped Justin off at his apartment on his way to work. He wondered when he could see the kid again. The smile slowly faded from his face. He never wanted to see his tricks after he had had them. What was up with this? He'd had Justin Taylor, and that should be that. He frowned. The thought of never seeing Justin again, of never kissing him, of never having sex with him, left him feeling … empty. He thought that was the right word to describe what he was feeling. And he didn't like that feeling at all. He liked it much better when his arms were filled with the vibrant young blond.

Vibrant! That was an interesting choice of words, considering that Justin was positive, that he was sick. But Brian had felt him come to life as they made love. And that was what they had done. It was much more than fucking. He had felt the frozen core of the boy gradually melt, and then he had felt the warmth of that sunshine smile. He loved that smile.

Fuck! Here he was dreaming about making love and about loving that smile and about fucking sunshine. He must have fallen into some kind of extraterrestrial black hole. His whole life had been spent denying that there was any such thing as love, of avoiding even the possibility that there could be love, and most of all, of being denied love … by his own family. So what had changed?

Justin Taylor! It had all come about because of that young man. Brian had actually gone on a sort of date with him. He had invited him back to the loft, to talk, of all things. He had skipped the chance of a fuck at Woody's or Babylon to be with the boy. He had as much as asked the kid to stay all night. And here he was daydreaming about the little twat. Something was definitely out of whack in his universe.

Brian decided that he needed to do some serious thinking about what was going on between himself and Justin. He had never been in a situation like this before and he wasn't sure what it all meant or what he was going to do about it. The only thing he knew for sure was that he wanted to see Justin Taylor again … and again … and again.

He tried to wipe the stupid grin off his face as he got ready for his next meeting.

\-----

Justin showed up for his shift at the diner after his last class. He would work over the dinner hour, and he wondered if Brian would stop in for something to eat. He could hardly wait to see the handsome ad exec again. His face lit up with a bright smile as he walked through the diner heading to the back to get rid of his jacket and bag.

"You look like the cat who ate the canary," Debbie observed looking at the golden glow on her young charge's face.

"Do I?" Justin asked broadening his grin.

"What's up?" Debbie asked sensing some big event had happened.

"Um … nothing," Justin replied knowing that Brian would not want others to know anything about what they had done.

"You look like that nothing must have got up your ass," Debbie joked taking a stab in the dark about what might be making Justin so happy.

Justin blushed. He could feel the warmth slide up his neck and color his cheeks.

"Shit!" Debbie exclaimed. "You got laid, didn't you?"

"Um…"

"Don't even think about lying to me. I recognize that look. I can spot it on Michael every time, and Emmett and Ted are open books. The only one I can't read is … Brian." She watched as the color on Justin's cheeks darkened even more and he looked away. "Holy Christ! You and fucking Brian Kinney! I thought I told you to stay away from him."

"You did," Justin admitted, "but that didn't mean that I would want to."

"He's trouble, Sunshine. I love him like a son, but he's one tough son of a bitch. Don't get yourself in over your head."

"I … I already am."

"Fuck! Have you…? Of course you have. What the fuck am I thinking? Brian screws on the first date, excuse me, make that the first eye contact."

"Debbie," Justin said prepared to defend the kind and caring Brian Kinney that he had witnessed the night before.

"Don't defend him to me. I know what he is. Just don't fucking fall in love with him or some dumb thing like that."

"Too late."

"Jesus Christ, what happened?" she asked staring at him in disbelief.

"I don't want to talk about it," Justin said, although that was exactly what he wanted to do. He wanted to share his happiness with someone.

"Brian doesn't do love, Justin," Debbie said solemnly.

"So?" Justin asked defiantly. He didn't want to listen to all of Brian's shortcomings. He had seen a side of the man that he thought few others got to see. He knew what Brian was really like, or at least he thought he did.

Debbie heard the defiance in his voice and decided to back off. She had given her warning. Justin would make his own decisions, just like Michael. Her face hardened as she thought about Michael … and Ben.

"Is something wrong, Deb?" Justin asked noting the change in her face.

"I … I was thinking about my son," she admitted.

"And the positive guy he's dating?"

"Yeah."

Justin wondered if telling her about his own HIV status would make any difference in how she felt about him. He hesitated knowing the reaction he had received other times, but Brian had encouraged him to tell people. "Debbie, there's something I've been going to tell you."

"What's that, sweetie?" she asked with a distracted look.

Just then the bell over the front door rang and she went off to wait on the new customer. Justin went to the back to drop his messenger bag and grab his apron. Maybe he'd tell Debbie when things calmed down after the dinner rush.

All through dinner time Justin watched the door waiting for Brian to appear, waiting to see the man who had turned his life around in one short night. The longer he waited with no appearance of the handsome man, the more worried he got. He knew the stories about Brian Kinney. Debbie had made sure to reinforce what an asshole Brian was. But Brian had been so different with him, especially last night. He had to come to the diner, he had to let Justin know that they had had something special. He couldn't just turn away and forget him, could he?

Justin's shift finished at nine and there had been no sign of Brian. As that time approached Justin could feel his happiness slipping away. He had told Brian when he would be working. He had been sure for some reason that Brian would come to the diner, would want to see him again, would need to see him again, just like Justin needed to see him.

The diner had almost emptied out as Justin cleared the last few tables. He suddenly felt very tired. He would be glad to leave here and go home, go home to bed … alone. He sighed as he carried the tub of dirty dishes to the kitchen.

"Grab a coke and come sit down," Debbie asked as he reappeared from the back. "You said you had something to tell me."

"Um … I'm really tired, Deb. Could I take a raincheck and do this another time?"

"No."

"But…"

"Sit … and talk. Now," she ordered.

"I really don't want to do this." Justin protested but he slid into the booth across from her.

"You were a bundle of energy and high hopes when you came in here this afternoon. Now you look like somebody just stole your favorite teddy bear. And don't think I didn't see you checking out the door every fucking time the bell rang. I know he didn't show up."

"Who?" Justin asked staring at his hands on the table and wishing she would let him escape.

"Brian fucking Kinney, who do you think?"

"I…"

"Don't tell me you weren't looking for him because I know better. I have a fucking son who has had that look on his face for more than half of his life."

"You mean … Michael and Brian?" Justin asked with incredulity.

"Yeah, except there never was a Michael and Brian, except as friends. That didn't stop Michael from wanting more."

"But he didn't get it?"

"Brian is a very complex person. He had a rough time as a child and he … he has issues with love and commitment."

"He does? He didn't seem like that last night?"

"Is that wishful thinking on your part?"

"I don't think so … or … I didn't think so. Now I'm not so sure."

"I tried to warn you."

"I know and I appreciate it, but some things you have to learn for yourself."

"Yeah, I guess," Debbie said with a shake of her head. "So what were you going to tell me earlier before we were so rudely interrupted by work?" She smiled encouragingly.

Justin flinched. He didn't think he wanted to tell her anymore. He had been going to do it because of what Brian had told him, but Brian seemed to have let him down. "It's nothing important," Justin said.

"The look on your face doesn't tell me that."

"Deb…" he groaned.

"Just spit it out."

"I'm HIV positive," he said softly deciding he could always try to get a job somewhere else.

"What the fuck did you say?" She sounded angry.

"I'll go if you want. I won't come back," Justin said quickly sliding out of the booth.

"Wait," she commanded grabbing his wrist. He sat back down. "You tell me what the fuck happened."

"It's a long story," Justin sighed.

"I don't see that we're exactly swamped with customers, so spill." She practically spat the words from between clenched teeth.

"It was … it was my first time," Justin said fighting tears. He could never get past that memory without crying. "He was rough and he didn't use a condom."

"Fucking Christ! Your first time! Shit! Sunshine, that's awful."

Justin blinked back the tears and told her the rest of the story. She seemed very sympathetic once she knew what it was all about. When he was done he had to add that he had spent the previous night with Brian and it had been wonderful.

Debbie's eyes got very large. "Oh shit!" she said. "Have you told him? Did he know?" She looked as worried as when she had told him about Michael's boyfriend.

"I told him. He didn't seem to mind. We … we were careful."

"I should fucking hope so, but both my boys, Michael and Brian…" She continued to shake her head like she couldn't believe this turn of events.

"You don't need to worry, Deb. It looks like Brian has had a change of heart, since he hasn't called or come to see me since. One-fuck-only-Kinney seems to be alive and well."

"Maybe he's still at work. He works long hours." Debbie tried to defend her other son.

"Or maybe he's at Babylon … or the baths. There are plenty of other guys who can give him what I can … and without the risk."

"I'm sorry," she said softly not denying the conclusion he had reached.

"I'm going home now, Deb. Do you want me to come back for my next shift … or should I just get lost," Justin asked in a defeated voice getting up from the booth.

"Why would you think you shouldn't come back?" she asked standing up.

"Most people don't want me around when they find out."

"I want you around," she said adding a kiss to the bone-crushing hug she already had him in.

He sniffed back the tears. "I guess Brian was right about one thing. He told me I should tell people. I … I'm glad I told you and you reacted the way you have. Thanks, Deb," he said sincerely. He wished somebody else wanted him around to.

\-----

Down the street from the diner Brian sat in his parked Jeep. He had been there for over fifteen minutes trying to decide what to do. He knew Justin was working at the diner. He knew he would be expecting Brian to call or pop in to see him. He knew he wanted to see the blond, but what could he do? It went against everything he had ever professed as his philosophy in life. He wasn't sure he could give it up just like that.

The night he had spent with Justin had been wonderful. He couldn't remember when he had felt so young and so alive. They had enjoyed each other's company. They had talked and laughed. They had had fun. He shook his head thinking that he had never had "fun" with a trick. Justin wasn't a trick. What he was he didn't know yet, but he was much more than a trick. That must be why fun had been possible.

But if Justin wasn't a trick, then what the fuck was he? Brian wracked his brain trying to think of how to put into words what he thought about the boy. He didn't want a relationship with him. He hated relationships. The whole concept of relationships made him physically ill. They never worked. They were usually based on lies and the people in them always ended up lying and cheating and hating each other. His own parents were a prime example. And Lindsay and Melanie. They wouldn't be together if he hadn't given up his parental rights to Gus. That still grated on him. But he had done it for his son and for Lindsay.

He sighed. His mind went to Michael who seemed to have found someone in Ben, HIV positive Ben. He remembered all the things Ted had said about that relationship and he wondered what they would say if they knew he had been with HIV positive Justin. His mind reeled at the thought.

"Enough," he said aloud and started the Jeep. He'd go home and do some more thinking and probably spend a sleepless night. He didn't know what else to do at the moment except maybe going to Babylon and getting totally wasted. He knew that wouldn't solve the problem and would probably only make matters worse in the long run.

He pulled out into traffic and headed down Liberty. As he approached the diner he saw a familiar blond form come out the door. He slowed down. On impulse he pulled over beside a parked car and rolled down the window. A car honked behind him. He ignored it. Once the window was down he yelled, "Justin." The boy turned and he saw the look of desolation on the beautiful face. "Get in," he called and the responding smile lit up the darkness of Liberty Avenue.


	8. Frozen Sunshine

Saturday morning Michael, Ben, Ted and Emmett sat in a booth at the Liberty Diner. They were ready for breakfast but were waiting for Brian.

"Where the fuck is he?" Ted griped. "I'm starving."

"He said he'd be here, so just wait," Michael said.

"We could order and then he could catch up," Ben suggested.

"No," Michael insisted. "He'll be here any minute."

"He only has coffee anyway," Emmett said.

"Yeah, he has to keep his girlish figure," Ted sniped.

"My figure's just fine," Brian said smacking Ted in the back of the head as he slid into the booth behind him. "It's your figure that needs some work." Brian planted his tongue firmly in his cheek.

"Why are you sitting back there?" Michael asked. "You can squeeze in here with Ben and me."

"Thanks for the offer but I'm waiting for someone," Brian said smugly.

"Who?" Michael demanded.

"Ah, here he is now," Brian grinned as they all looked at the door. Justin Taylor walked through it. He made his way towards them, his eyes never leaving Brian's.

"Hi, honey," he said giving Justin a big fat kiss.

"Brian, what the fuck are you doing with that six year old?" Michael demanded.

"That's another two years deducted from his age," Emmett observed. "That was very sweet, Brian. I didn't know you could be so romantic."

"There's lots of things you don't know about me," he said enigmatically pulling Justin into the booth with him so that they were facing the door and away from the group behind them.

"Briiiaaannn," Michael whined.

"Whaaaaat?" Brian whined back at him.

"Come sit with us. You don't need him."

"Michael, I'm sitting exactly where I want to sit," Brian said and began intently studying his menu.

"You know you're not going to order anything," Ted told him.

"Fuck you! Hey, Deb, I'll have an order of French toast and Sunshine will have…"

"Make it two, Deb," Justin grinned.

"Well, isn't this cozy," Emmett said turning to observe the twosome behind him.

"Very," Brian said pulling Justin closer.

"Jesus Christ, why don't you two get a room?" Michael chastised them.

"I have a room, a loft actually," Brian said in that condescending manner that he knew irritated the hell out of everybody. "And we just came from there," he added smugly.

Mouths dropped and lungs sucked in air in short gasps. What the fuck had happened to Brian Kinney? He must have let this kid stay all night and he was taking a trick to breakfast. The same thoughts rattled through each brain. 

"I think we're about to be struck by lightning or an asteroid," Ted mused. "I'm sure the hand of God will appear out of the ceiling at any moment and smite us all dead."

"Melodramatic as ever, Theodore," Brian said without bothering to turn around and look at the bumbling guy behind him.

"What the fuck are you doing, Brian?" Michael demanded. "You were supposed to have breakfast with your friends and you bring a stranger with you and refuse to sit with us."

"Justin's not a stranger. I've gotten to know him really well," Brian said running his fingers through the short hair at the nape of Justin's neck. "Isn't that right, Sunshine?"

"I just bet you have," Ted threw in.

"Justin, honey," Emmett began, "a word of advice. Watch out for the big, bad wolf."

"And who might that be?" Brian asked with a frown.

"Not mentioning any names," Emmett said holding up his hands.

"I bet," Brian said. "You know, Sunshine, I think I've lost my appetite. Let's go home." He threw some money on the table.

"Sure," Justin said and they got up and walked out of the diner side by side, Brian holding the door for Justin as he passed through.

"What in God's green earth was that?" Ted asked.

"Was that really Brian Kinney that was just in here?" Emmett asked.

"And what is with this kid? Did Brian say 'let's go home'?" Michael asked stressing the word home.

"They seemed awfully tight," Ben offered.

"And since when does Brian fucking Kinney bring his tricks to breakfast?" Ted wanted to know.

"Something weird is going on," Michael observed shaking his head. He decided he should go speak to Brian right after breakfast.

Debbie arrived carrying two plates of French toast. "Where the fuck did they go?" she asked looking around.

"They left," Michael told her. 

"I'll take one of those plates of French toast," Emmett said with his silly grin.

Debbie set it down in front of him. "Any takers on the other one?"

"I'll have it," Ted offered and dug in immediately.

"Could I have two eggs over easy and bacon?" Michael asked.

"Wheaties," Ben said.

"Um … sure," Debbie replied. "Why did Brian and Justin leave?"

"Fuck if we know," Michael said. "I think that kid's a bad influence on Brian."

Ted and Emmett nearly spit out their French toast at that comment.

"According to Justin Brian's a very good influence on him," Debbie said as she went to put in the orders.

"Yeah, I can just see Brian influencing him to suck his cock harder and spread his legs farther," Ted said with a malicious grin.

"Or a million other sexy things," Emmett said with a wistful smile. "Every young gay boy should have such a teacher."

"I don't think the mother of every young gay boy would want that to be the case," Ted said.

"What wouldn't a gay boy's mother want to be the case?" Debbie asked as she returned and filled their coffee cups.

"Brian teaching their sons about sex," Ted supplied.

"They could do worse," Debbie said.

"Ma!" Michael objected.

"Well, it's true. Justin was telling me how kind and gentle Brian had been."

"Ewww," Ted said. "I wonder if the kid has any idea what kind and gentle really is?"

"That kid hasn't had an easy time of it," Debbie said nodding her head in a knowing fashion.

"Yeah, right," Ted griped. "I bet he has to tidy his room before the maid comes in to clean."

"That kid was kicked out by his parents when they found out he was gay, even after they knew he was HIV positive."

"Positive?" came the chorus of voices.

"Justin's positive?" Ben asked.

"That's right," Debbie stated. "I wasn't supposed to say anything, but I'm not going to let you criticize the poor kid."

"How did it happen?" Ben asked.

"He was raped … the first guy he had sex with," Debbie revealed.

"Oh my God, Brian's with him!" Michael gasped.

"Just like you're with me," Ben said softly. 

"No, not like I'm with you, not at all," Michael said. "I have to go talk to Brian." Michael was up and out of his seat before anyone could stop him. Ben went to get up to follow his boyfriend.

"Let him go," Debbie said. "Brian'll straighten him out."

"That'll be the day!" Ted snorted.

"You really should stop running Brian down. The day may come when you need his help." Debbie gave Ted a knowing look.

"Like he'd ever help me," Ted said.

"He didn't pull the plug on you," Emmett said.

"How is Justin coping with the HIV?" Ben asked Debbie.

"He's healthy right now and working to stay that way. He was pretty lonely until Brian took him under his wing." Ted snorted. "Cut that out," Debbie warned him.

"Does Brian know Justin is positive?" Emmett asked.

"Sunshine would never let anything happen without telling him. In fact," Debbie said, "Justin told me that Brian wanted him to tell everybody about his status."

"Is that when he told you?" Ben asked.

"Yeah," Debbie said, "he was upset, but I think it did him good to get it out in the open."

"I agree," Ben said and Debbie glanced at him in surprise. She didn't think there would be anything they'd agree on. "HIV can be very isolating," Ben continued. "It's kind of like being in limbo when people don't know. You wait and wait for them to turn away from you when they find out. Fear is a powerful thing. Once they know, it's like being free again. They can take you or leave you. You don't have that paralyzing fear waiting to find out what they'll do." Ben smiled enigmatically at the end of his little speech. Debbie knew he had been describing his own experiences.

"Did many people turn away, honey?" she asked.

"Yeah," was all he said.

"Well fuck 'em!" She smiled at Ben for the first time.

Ted and Emmett watched the interaction between Michael's mother and Michael's lover. They both remembered their conversation from a few days ago. Ted wondered if he had judged too fast. He was just speaking his concern for Michael's safety. Emmett wondered what Michael was going to say to Brian. They were both in the same boat.

\-----

The pounding on the loft door was very annoying. Brian knew it would be Michael and he deliberately made him wait. Finally he moved over to the door and yanked it open.

"Mikey," he said with mock surprise. "To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?"

"Let me in, asshole," Michael stated pushing past Brian.

"Certainly. Where are my manners?"

"Where is he?" Michael demanded.

"Who?" Brian asked not about to give Michael an inch.

"That fucking blond kid!"

"That fucking blond kid is at his apartment gathering up a few things. I'm picking him up in an hour and bringing him back here."

"He's moving in?" Michael asked in disbelief.

"Not in the traditional, conventional, society based definition of moving in, but he'll be here a lot."

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"I … I like him, Mikey. I want him around … for a long time."

"But he's just a kid and he has HIV," Michael pleaded.

"Ben has HIV. When are you two moving in together?"

"We've been talking about it," Michael admitted a little sheepishly.

"So, where do you get off telling me to dump Justin?"

"I wasn't telling you to dump him. Christ, you never have any kind of relationship that requires dumping someone."

"Well, this is different. It's not a relationship," Brian stated trying to maintain some of his credos. "I just like having him around."

"He must be one hell of a fuck," Michael tossed out.

"He is," Brian agreed knowing that would give Michael pause, "but that has only a little bit to do with why I want him here."

"You could get any hot guy you want," Michael said. "Why do you want him?"

"I don't know. I just do."

"Well, I don't like it."

"Sorry, Michael, but you don't get a vote."

Michael scowled. He was getting nowhere. "Are you still going to fuck other guys?"

"That's none of your business."

"How many are going to want to be with someone who's fucking a guy that's HIV positive?"

"I don't know and I don't care. Time for you to go, Mikey," Brian said grabbing Michael's arm and ushering him towards the still open door.

"But…"

"I gave you your say, Michael, and now it's over. I don't want to hear any more criticism of Justin. What he and I do is none of your business, and you can tell the others that too."

"But…"

The loft door slid across in front of Michael's face before he could protest anymore. He sighed and started down the stairs.

\-----

Brian pulled up in front of Justin's apartment building. He saw the young man standing in the doorway. He was very punctual. Somehow that pleased Brian. He leaned over and opened the door to the Jeep. Justin hopped in.

"You don't have much stuff," Brian observed looking at the gym bag Justin had with his belongings.

"I didn't want to be too presumptuous. I know I'm not moving in. I'm just staying at your place … sometimes," Justin explained still a little baffled by Brian's proposal that had come so suddenly and went against everything he had been told about the man. He was just happy that Brian wanted him around at all.

"Like tonight?" Brian asked with his tongue in cheek.

"Like tonight," Justin said with a big smile. "Did you have your visitor while I was gone?"

Brian nodded. "Michael."

"You figured it would be him."

"Yeah, and he didn't let me down."

"He told you to get rid of me?" Justin asked with a frown. They had discussed the possible reactions to the bombshell they had dropped in the diner. "And what did you say?" Justin asked holding his breath.

"I told him I couldn't dump you when we didn't have a relationship."

"I see," Justin said frowning. That was what they had agreed, but he knew that he had really hoped that Brian would declare that they loved each other and that they did have a relationship.

Brian watched Justin's reaction out of the corner of his eye. He pretended to be concentrating on his driving. 

"So they all know?" Justin asked changing the subject.

"Yeah. I told Michael that I didn't want to hear any more comments about it. If he could be with Ben, then I can be with you."

Justin wasn't sure how he felt about that comment. It sounded like he and Ben were no more than the disease they shared. It also sounded a little bit like a competition between Michael and Brian. He hoped that what he and Brian had was more than that.

They pulled into a parking space near the loft and they both got out. Justin carried his gym bag to the front door. "Here's a key I had made for you. There's one for the loft too," Brian said "Try it and make sure it works."

Justin flashed Brian one of those radiant smiles and Brian knew he had done the right thing having the keys made for … he had thought boyfriend for a fleeting second … for Justin. Justin opened the door and they rode the elevator up to the loft.

Brian told Justin to unlock the loft door with his key and they proceeded inside. "I cleaned out a drawer for your things," Brian said showing Justin which one. "There's room in the closet for anything you want to hang up. Take this side," Brian said indicating where Justin could hang his clothes.

"You're very organized," Justin observed.

"Some would say anal," Brian joked.

"Would they?" Justin teased.

"What say we christen the bed now that you're here?"

"We've been in that bed before, Brian," Justin said simply. "What's to christen?"

"I changed the sheets. You haven't slept on these yet."

"Am I going to get to sleep?" Justin asked with a giggle.

"Eventually," Brian replied with a smirk.

"Are you really okay with me being here, with the HIV and everything?"

"I wouldn't have asked you to come here if I didn't want you," Brian said answering Justin's question in a serious manner.

"And your friends?"

"They all know about us and about you being positive. That was the purpose of our visit to the diner this morning."

"How did you know Debbie would tell them? I asked her not to say anything."

"It's a Novotny trait. You better get used to it."

"I should. Why?"

"Now that you're part of our little family you'll be seeing a lot of Debbie and Michael and Ben and Ted and Emmett."

"That's a big family," Justin said thinking that he liked the sound of belonging. He hoped they all would accept him as time went on.

"Oh, and I'll have to introduce you to Melanie and Lindsay and my son, Gus."

"You have a son?" Justin gasped his eyes getting huge.

"I'll tell you all about it later, Sunshine. Right now I want to christen these sheets." 

Brian grabbed Justin's hand and pulled him into a warm embrace their lips finding each other and fitting together perfectly.

Justin returned the kiss feeling all the doubt slide out of him. This was exactly where he wanted to be no matter what kind of weird terms they were doing it on. He loved this man with all his heart and he hoped someday Brian would be able to say the same to him. He could wait and he prayed he could make it happen. 

Brian tumbled them onto the bed and Justin giggled in pure pleasure. Brian thought that was one of the nicest sounds he had ever heard. He didn't really understand what had possessed him to ask the boy to share his space … sometimes, but he knew when Justin was in his arms that he had made the right decision.

He claimed the perfect lips and pushed all other thoughts of friends' displeasure, of HIV, of his fucking rules to live by far, far, away. Sunshine was there and he would live in the moment with a view to happier times ahead.


	9. Frozen Sunshine

"He has that fucking little shit moving in with him," Michael told the guys. He had asked Ted to come over to his and Emmett's apartment to discuss what he had found out at Brian's.

"Moving in?" Ted asked. "Christ, he doesn't even let tricks catch their breath after he shoots, and he's throwing them out the door."

"Teddy…" Emmett started to say something.

"That's what I don't get," Michael interrupted. "What's so different, so special about this kid?"

"He even has HIV," Ted added. "It's not like Brian to take a risk like that."

"Teddy…" Emmett tried again.

"I know," Michael stated. "He sure wasn't thrilled about me dating Ben. None of you were," Michael added feeling a little hurt all over again, "especially my mother."

"Yeah, and she defended both Brian and Justin at the diner. I just don't get it," Ted said shaking his head.

"Guys, guys," Emmett tried to get their attention.

"What?" they both asked annoyed at Emmett for interrupting their thoughts.

"I've been trying to tell you something for ages," Emmett said with a sigh.

"So tell us, for pete's sake," Ted said exasperated.

"You two have this all wrong," Emmett stated confidently.

"And how do you figure that?" Ted asked.

"Brian never said anything against you dating Ben because he is HIV positive, Michael," Emmett said.

"Yes, he did."

"No, he didn't. I was there and I listened very carefully. Only Teddy was against it. You know that Brian only wants what's best for you, sweetie," Emmett added giving Michael a hug. "We all do. I'm sure he was worried but he never said anything against you having a relationship with Ben."

"Just made a fucking joke out of it if I remember correctly," Ted said frowning.

"But he never said anything in favor of it either," Michael noted.

"When does Brian ever speak in favor of anything … except fucking, but that goes without saying," Emmett added.

"I don't understand what he sees in that kid," Michael persisted.

"And I bet your mother didn't understand what you see in Ben," Emmett said trying to make his point. "But she's coming around, isn't she?"

"Maybe a little," Michael admitted. And then the light dawned. "Are you saying that I'll get to like this kid? I don't fucking think so!"

Emmett shrugged. What more could he say?

"So we're both agreed that Brian should not be seeing this positive kid?" Michael said looking at Ted for support.

"Like I could tell Brian what to do about anything," Ted admitted.

"But you sure told me," Michael said with a grimace.

"And Brian heard every word of it," Ted pointed out. "It obviously had as much impact on him as it did on you."

"I don't see how you can say anything about Brian seeing someone who is positive," Emmett interjected. "You're doing the same thing." He paused for effect. "Or is it that you just don't want him seeing anyone at all?"

"That's not true. I want Brian to be happy, but this all happened so fast. I bet he's doing this out of some kind of pity for the kid?" Michael said. He remembered a fourteen year old Brian Kinney who had taken a scared little gay boy under his wing all those years ago.

"Brian Kinney doesn't do pity. It makes his dick soft, remember," Ted pointed out. "And heaven forbid that anything should make his dick soft, except an orgasm, of course!"

"Look," Emmett said, "I don't think this is any of our business and there's nothing we can do about it anyway."

"I have to do something. This is my best friend we're talking about," Michael said. "I'm going to talk to that kid. Set him straight on a few things."

Emmett and Ted both shrugged knowing there was nothing more they could say.

\-----

Justin was at the weights bench when someone came up behind him and their shadow fell across his face. "I'm not interested," he said without really looking at the guy. He continued to press the barbell up and down as the sweat began to bead on his forehead.

"You're Justin, aren't you?" the man asked.

"Yeah," Justin said setting the barbell in its cradle. "Who wants to know?"

"I'm Ben," the man said coming around the bench to stand in front of Justin who sat up. "Ben Bruckner. I've been going out with Michael Novotny."

"Oh," Justin said standing up. "You were at the diner the other day."

"Yeah, the day you and Brian dropped your bombshell."

"Is that what you call it?" Justin asked with a little grin.

"It certainly caused an explosion in Michael's little world."

"I heard."

"What did you hear?" Ben asked not having discussed Michael's visit to the loft with his boyfriend. He wanted to know how much Michael had tried to interfere.

"He told Brian to get rid of me."

"He didn't!"

"Oh, yeah, he did. How do you put up with the judgmental little prick?" he asked letting his anger at Michael's actions get the better of him. "Um … sorry," he added realizing that he was talking about the man's boyfriend.

"That seems to be a Novotny trait," Ben said with a laugh. "I'd like to talk to you if you could spare a bit of time. Want to meet at the juice bar downstairs?"

"I don't see that we really have anything to talk about," Justin replied not sure why this man would be proposing a chat. Michael certainly wouldn't want Ben talking to him. 

"I'm HIV positive too," Ben said slowly and deliberately.

"I know," Justin said. He wasn't sure what else to say.

"So … juice? Fifteen minutes?"

"Okay … sure," Justin said uncertainly. He quickly made his way to the showers. This was certainly an unexpected turn of events.

When he walked into the juice bar he saw Ben sitting at a table with two glasses of juice in front of him. Justin walked over and hiked himself onto the tall stool. Ben smiled at him.

"I took the liberty of ordering two of my favorite juice drinks. They're full of vitamins and other good stuff."

"Thanks," Justin said looking at the glass somewhat suspiciously.

"Try it. It's actually quite tasty," Ben said.

Justin took a sip and nodded in agreement. "It's actually good," he said with a little grin.

"Did you think I would try to poison you?"

"No … not you, but maybe Michael," Justin said with a crooked grin. "I can't figure out why you want to talk to me."

"We have something in common."

"HIV?"

"And the fact that we're dating best friends," Ben added.

"Don't let Brian hear you call it dating. He doesn't date."

"But he asked you to move in with him?"

"Not exactly. He asked me to be around … sometimes … when he wants to fuck me."

"And you're all right with that?"

"Brian's the only man who has wanted to be with me since I found out I'm positive."

"Have you looked for someone else?" Ben asked.

"That's none of your business and I don't want to hear that Brian is an asshole and I deserve better."

"I wasn't going to say either of those things. However, Michael seems to think this is very out of character for Brian. He can't figure out what's going on. I don't want to see you get hurt."

"For your information I've already been hurt more than I care to think. I like Brian and he likes me. We have fun together. I'll take what I can get from him and enjoy every minute of it as long as it lasts. And I'd appreciate it if your boyfriend wouldn't interfere."

"I have no control over Michael, but I could tell him to butt out," Ben said with a rueful smile. "Don't count on him listening to my advice though."

"So," Justin said, "is that all you wanted to tell me?"

"I was going to offer to show you my exercise regimen. It might help you keep in good shape and healthy. I can also discuss any questions you might have about HIV or how to deal with it."

"You would?" Justin asked. He was touched. Nobody had bothered to do that for him although some of the doctors had told him to get in shape, build up his body.

"Justin, I know what you're going through. I've been there, and I have experience with it that I'd be willing to share."

"I … I'd appreciate that. Thank you." Justin looked thoughtful for a minute. "How do you do it? How can you be happy and upbeat? How do you live with it every day knowing that at some point it's going to kill you?"

"You believe in starting with the tough questions first, I see," Ben said with a chuckle. "You learn to take it day by day and appreciate each one that sees you healthy and able to do things that you want to do."

"But doesn't it just eat away at you? Before I met Brian I was so alone. I felt like I might as well be dead. The only joy I got was from my painting … and dancing, but it could never go any farther than that." The look on Justin's face bespoke such loneliness and hurt. 

"It's not easy, but enjoy your time with Brian. I feel the same way about Michael."

"You love him?"

"I think we're heading in that direction. He's a gentle, kind man."

Justin frowned. "I haven't seen that side of him."

"He can be very fierce in defending his friends … and me," Ben said with a smile. "He took on his mother big time."

"I guess you're lucky to have him," Justin said being more charitable about Michael than he really felt.

"I am, and you're lucky to have Brian, if he's what you want."

"He's everything I could want," Justin declared.

"Don't … don't expect too much of him," Ben cautioned having heard all of the stories about Brian Kinney and his philosophy of life.

"I'm not sure why people keep telling me that. I don't expect anything of Brian," Justin said trying to convince himself of that. He knew he really wanted Brian to love him and ask him to stay with him forever. But for now…

"If you want to talk anytime, call me," Ben said handing Justin a card with his phone numbers.

Ben smiled and Justin felt like he had just found a friend and someone that he could talk to about the fucking disease that was waiting to kill him.

\-----

When Justin arrived at his apartment he found Michael Novotny standing outside.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Justin asked.

"I want to talk to you."

"I'm all talked out for today. Come back in a week or a month or next year … or better yet, don't come back at all!"

"I'm not going until I find out what you've done to Brian."

"What I've done to Brian?"

"That's what I said."

"And what's that supposed to mean? That I've infected him or bribed him into taking me in or blackmailed him into having sex with me?"

"All of the above," Michael said his arms crossed defiantly on his chest and his eyes glaring at Justin.

"Jesus Christ! I haven't done any of those things. What the fuck is your problem?"

"You."

"ME? What have I done to you?"

"You … you've done something to my best friend. He's not himself," Michael said grasping at a way to explain his concern.

"I haven't done anything to Brian. I … I like him, Michael. I like being with him. I like kissing him and I like talking to him and I like having sex with him. And he likes all those things too … with me."

"Brian doesn't keep tricks around," Michael said bluntly.

Justin felt that jab at his heart. He knew that's what Brian had thought of him at first. "I'm not one of his tricks." Justin tried to make his voice sound confident.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Michael said sensing weakness.

"What do you mean?" Justin looked warily at Michael.

"Brian always helps the underdog. He never kicks someone who's down. He only decimates the strong ones. You're the underdog trick."

"No … I … what are you saying?"

"That Brian thinks of you as a weak, needy, little kid and he's trying to help you."

"No."

"Face it, Justin. He's only doing this out of pity. Has he told you he loves you?" Justin stared at Michael and then slowly shook his head. "He never will, because he doesn't love you. He pities you."

"No," Justin said and it came out almost as a whimper. He was so afraid that what Michael was saying was the truth and he didn't want to be pitied. He wanted to be wanted and needed and loved, not pitied.

"I thought you should know," Michael said triumphantly. He turned away from the look of pain on Justin's face and slowly began to walk up the street.

Justin watched him slowly recede from view. He stood there for a long time trying to find the strength to move his feet and go up to his apartment.

\-----

Brian was very busy at work for the next couple of days. He was at the office until late each night. As a result he had not had time or inclination to call Justin. Brian trusted that the boy could entertain himself and keep busy until he had more free time to spend with him. Truthfully he knew that he was looking forward to seeing him again … and fucking him.

When Brian began to catch up at work he called Justin late one night. Justin had just returned home from a late shift at the diner. Brian was horny and wanted the young man to come to his loft. Justin was tired and insecure and worried because Brian had not spoken to him for a couple of days, not since Michael had met him on the street.

"I'm really tired, Brian," Justin said sounding defeated.

"Maybe I could do something about energizing you," Brian said in a low, husky voice.

Justin heard the implied seduction and felt his cock jump. Brian thought of him as a convenient fuck and that seemed to be all. He didn't care if Justin was tired or worried. He didn't think enough of him to call for several days, but when he wanted a fuck he was on the phone immediately.

"I don't think so. I'm going to bed," Justin said.

"Is something wrong? You sound … different."

"I am different," Justin wanted to scream. "I'm tired," he repeated.

"You're not sick, are you?" Brian asked. He thought he could hear concern in Brian's voice. And then he mentally shook himself. Concern for Brian consisted of the fact that he might not get his cock sucked in a timely fashion.

"Me, sick? Never," he said with as much sarcasm as he could muster.

"Justin what's going on?"

"Nothing. I'm going to bed. Call some other time when it's not the middle of the night." Justin hung up the phone.

Brian looked at the dead receiver in his hand. He was about to push redial when he stopped himself. Maybe Justin was tired. It was almost midnight and the boy had been at school all day and then the diner for god knew how long. He better give Justin some time to recover. He could talk to him tomorrow. In the meantime he would make a quick trip to Babylon. He was sure he could find someone there to take the edge off. He always did.

Justin stared at the phone. He couldn't believe that he had waited for days to hear from Brian and then had hung up on him. He wanted to cry. Everything that Michael had said seemed to be true. Brian didn't love him and didn't need him … except to suck his dick. He probably had nothing better to do tonight than call him. If he had a better offer he was sure Brian would be taking it. After all Justin was nothing special, he was less than nothing. He had HIV.

The tears began rolling down his cheeks and he couldn't stop them. He threw himself onto his bed and really cried. He thought he had found someone in Brian even in their strange, unconventional way. He had been happy for a few days, but he supposed the novelty had worn off for Brian. He must have been desperate to be calling tonight. That was good if he was, served him right. Justin couldn't believe that he had thought Brian was so kind and caring. He hadn't given a shit about him for several days, and now all he wanted was a convenient fuck. Maybe Brian's dick would fall off from lack of use or some other horrible fate would befall the bastard.

Justin raised his arms and pounded the pillow in frustration. He knew he had been within seconds of giving in and going over to Brian's Even now amidst all the hurt, part of him wanted to run over there and tell Brian to do whatever he wanted with him. He was so fucking pitiful.

Pity! How did pity fit into all this? Justin stopped crying and sat up for a minute. Brian had called him and asked him to come over. His voice had been full of lust not pity. He had sounded concerned that Justin was tired, might be sick, but he hadn't heard pity in that voice.

He knew that he had agreed to Brian's terms for their … whatever it was. One of those conditions was that Brian could call him and he would come over whenever the man wanted. He knew they both enjoyed those encounters. That's what he had signed on for. That was what Brian was doing. Brian had not told him that he would call every day, that he would spend every minute thinking of him. He supposed the man had been busy. He knew that Brian intended to fuck other guys, not just him. He also knew that he was the only one that Brian invited back again and again.

What had he done? He had turned Brian down and basically voided their agreement. Shit! He slid to the edge of the bed and wiped his face. He should not be lying here feeling sorry for himself. He should be over at the loft making love, or fucking, as Brian would call it. He realized with sudden clarity that he had let Michael fill his mind with doubts and he had just screwed everything up.

He quickly dressed and spent some of his hard earned money to take a cab over to Brian's. He had to get there quickly. He had to fix things before it was too late. He leaped out of the cab almost before it had come to a stop and used his key. He had a key, he realized. He was sure none of Brian's other … tricks had a key. He ran up to the loft. He debated using his key for the loft door but decided to knock instead.

There was no answer even after he had pounded several times. Brian wouldn't answer him. Brian must be furious with him. He finally inserted the key and opened the door. He could tell almost immediately that the loft was empty. Brian was gone … to get his needs met somewhere else, Justin was sure. He felt all the air go out of his lungs. He was too late. He thought he might faint, but he managed to take a deep breath and quickly exited the loft.


	10. Frozen Sunshine

Justin had holed up in his apartment for a few days waiting to see if Brian would call him again. He had a paper to write and he did some sketching and worked on a painting for one of his classes. And mostly he just waited. Brian didn't call and he got more and more worried that he had ruined everything by listening to Michael. He had let his doubts get the better of him and now he was paying the price.

He had a scheduled shift at the diner that he had been debating blowing off, but he knew that wasn't fair to Debbie, even if she did have a cunt for a son. When he walked into the diner, he was tempted to turn around and walk right out again. He took a deep breath and approached the counter.

"You look like shit," Debbie said bustling around and making a new pot of coffee. "What are you waiting for? Get rid of your coat and grab an apron. The dinner rush will be starting any fucking minute."

Justin looked at her for a second. Nothing had changed here. He went to get ready to start his shift.

They were very busy for the next couple of hours. Justin kept his eye on the door wondering if Brian might pop in. He kept trying to think of what to say to the man if he did see him. He had fucked everything up royally. He didn't know how he could possibly make it right. Pleading and begging didn't seem like viable options with Brian.

When it finally started to calm down, Justin noticed Debbie watching him. He wondered when she would start the inquisition. He didn't think he was ready for that.

"I'm heading home," Debbie said as she finished clearing her last table. "Kiki will be in in about a half hour and then you can head out."

"Um … sure," Justin said thinking he was going to get off lightly for once.

"Brian was in earlier today," Debbie said conversationally as she gave the table a last wipe.

"He was?" Justin asked hoping Debbie would give him a read on how Brian was feeling.

"He seemed worried about you. But I hadn't seen you so I couldn't tell him anything."

"Worried?"

"Yeah, he asked me if you had called in sick or anything," Debbie said with a knowing smile.

"Oh."

"What did you do, Sunshine?" she asked.

"What makes you think I did anything?"

"Brian doesn't ask about anybody's health, and you looked like something the cat dragged in when you arrived tonight. Trouble in Paradise?"

"There is no Paradise," Justin said slowly. "I fucked everything up."

"I'm not even going to ask what you did, but once Kiki gets here, you get that bubble butt of yours over to Brian's loft and straighten things out."

"I … I can't do that," Justin said. "He doesn't want to talk to me."

"What makes you say that? He wouldn't have asked about you if he didn't care."

"Are you sure about that?"

"I've known Brian fucking Kinney for a lot of years. He cares. And if you two fuck this up and don't try to fix it I'll never forgive either one of you."

Justin smiled. "You really think I should go, that he'll talk to me?"

"I do. Now clear your tables and let me get the fuck out of here. I'm pooped."

Justin smiled as Debbie headed to the back. Maybe there was some hope for him and Brian after all.

\-----

The pounding on the loft door pissed Brian off. The fucking front door was supposed to provide security but people seemed to be able to get in left, right and center. He saved what he had been doing on the computer and went to the door. With a violent yank he pulled it back and said, "What?"

Justin literally took a step back. He had half expected Brian to be out. He had expected at the most a lukewarm welcome. But he hadn't expected outright hostility.

"I … I'm sorry. I must have interrupted you. I'll go," Justin said turning away.

"Oh, no you don't. Come in," Brian ordered.

Was that a good sign? Could he consider this an invitation to stay or was he going to get his insides ripped out in the inimitable Kinney style that he had heard so much about. He stepped into the loft praying that he could make Brian see that they still had something worth fighting for.

"Brian, I…" Justin didn't know how to finish that statement. He let his voice trail off.

"I assume you have something to tell me, Sunshine, but you're going to have to do better than that. My mind reading skills leave a lot to be desired."

"Sunshine," Justin thought. "That was a good sign." He stared at Brian for a minute and decided he needed to start with an apology. "Brian, I…" Once again he was unsure what to say.

"Want a beer?" Brian asked sensing how much difficulty Justin was having expressing himself. Maybe a beer would loosen things up.

Justin nodded glad for a bit of a reprieve and a chance to collect his thoughts. He had been sure he knew what he was going to say before he got there, but everything had flown out of his head when Brian had yanked the door open. All he had wanted to do was grab Brian and kiss him until neither of them could breathe. And then he would kiss him some more and beg him to take him back and then fuck him until they both expired from their fiftieth orgasm.

"Here," Brian said touching Justin on the neck with the cold edge of the beer bottle. Justin jumped but took the bottle and downed about half of it as he willed himself to be strong and coherent and not babble and get this the fuck over with. "So, are you ready to tell me what you're doing here?" Brian asked with that little smirk of his, not the big annoying one, the cute little smirk that meant he knew you were at a disadvantage in his presence and he was enjoying it, but wouldn't put you through the wringer about it.

"Debbie made me come," Justin blurted out and then regretted it as soon as the words were out of his mouth.

Brian chuckled. "Is that the same as 'the devil made me do it'?"

Justin laughed and remembered why he liked being with Brian so much. His wicked sense of humor was always interesting, and in this case, a perfect ice breaker. "I came to say I'm sorry for turning you down the other night."

Brian frowned. "Justin," he said seriously, "you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. If you don't want to come here, all you have to do is say so, just like you did the other night."

"But I wanted to come," Justin blurted out.

"Then why didn't you?"

"I … I … I don't know. Yes … yes, I do. I had had a couple of bad days. I met Ben at the gym a few days earlier and he was really nice and I felt like I had found a friend, and then I went home … and Michael was waiting for me … and … and he said some stuff … and I started doubting everything. I felt like shit and … and then you didn't call me for so many days. I don't even know how many but it seemed like forever. I thought Michael was right about everything and then you finally called … and I felt like you didn't appreciate me or really want me … and … and I hung up on you … and I'm so sorry." Justin finally stopped to take a much needed breath.

Brian sat in silence the whole time a smirk on his face followed by a frown as he heard about Michael's visit. He wasn't sure exactly what had happened according to Justin's ramblings but he intended to find out.

"What did Michael say to you?" Brian asked. "And tell me the truth."

"He said you couldn't ever love me, that you pitied me," Justin gulped out, feeling humiliated and waiting to see if Brian would validate Michael's assertions.

"I see," Brian said and Justin could feel the coldness in his voice.

"Is that true? Do you pity me?"

"Have I acted like I pity you? Have I said I pity you?" Brian asked. Justin shook his head. "Then why the fuck would you think that I pity you?"

"But … Michael said … and I have HIV and I never had another lover … and you can have anyone you want…"

"Have I indicated that I want someone else?" Justin shook his head. "Then I don't see why you would believe Michael."

"I came here that night … after your phone call … and you were gone and I knew you had found someone else to fuck."

"You came here?" Brian asked frowning. "I did go to Babylon that night."

"And you found someone else," Justin said with a sigh as if that made everything he feared true.

"Yes, I found someone to suck my dick, but I didn't find someone to replace you. No … no one can replace you," Brian said hesitantly. Justin was instantly alert. "He was a trick, Justin. I told you I was going to trick. It wasn't part of our agreement that I wouldn't."

"I know, but I thought I had broken the agreement by refusing to come over and that you would just replace me."

"Do you think so little of yourself that I could replace you in one night?"

"I … I don't know."

"Come with me," Brian said. "Stand up and come with me."

Justin stood. He was slightly scared by the tone of Brian's voice. Brian took his hand and dragged him up to the bedroom. He opened all the drawers in the chest by the bed. "Do you see anyone else's clothes here besides yours and mine?" Justin shook his head. Brian opened the closet. "Do you see anyone else's clothes in here?" Again Justin shook his head. "Give me your keys." Justin stepped back like he had been struck. Brian was going to take back his keys. Justin fished in the pocket of his cargo pants and handed the key ring to Brian. "I have never … never … given a key to anyone except Michael … and you. No one that I have fucked has gotten anywhere as close to me as you have," Brian stated between clenched teeth. He hated admitting these things, but he had to make Justin understand. 

Justin felt tears well up in his eyes. Was Brian saying what he thought he was saying? "Do you mean that?" Justin asked.

"I say what I mean," Brian averred. "I mean it."

"Do you still want me here?" Justin asked the first tear making its way down his cheek.

"Would I be telling you all this if I didn't?"

"I … I don't know. I'm so confused," Justin stammered.

"Do you want to be here … with me?" 

"Oh God, yes!"

Justin found himself in Brian's arms. Their mouths met in hunger and need. The kiss went deep, down into their souls as they melded together. Justin gasped for air as Brian finally released him.

"How could I have been so stupid?" he gulped.

"Mikey played on your insecurities. I'm going to have to have a word with that lad." Brian's voice sounded cold and strange. Justin was glad Brian was talking about Michael and not him when he sounded like that. In Brian's head he wondered how he could make Michael stay out of their business without killing the little fucker. But he would find a way. He had to … for Justin.

"Do that later," Justin moaned as Brian began nibbling on the soft spot where his neck and ear met. He could never have enough of anything Brian did to him. "I want you so bad," he gasped as Brian bit him. He knew he'd have a mark there in the morning, but he didn't mind in the least. Brian wanted him and the mark would merely remind him of how much.

Brian began removing clothes. Justin's T-shirt came off over his head. His cargo pants were shoved to the floor along with his underwear. His cock sprang free, erect and red and ready. Brian dropped to his knees.

"No," Justin cautioned thinking Brian would take his dick into his mouth. They had to use a condom, always. He longed for the feel of Brian's lips along his cock, the scrape of his tongue on the large vein, the gentle rasp of Brian's teeth. And then he was feeling all of those things as Brian's mouth moved up and down his dick sending waves of pleasure through every part of his being. "Brian, stop," he moaned. "You can't. I'm going to shoot." His hands grabbed at Brian's hair trying to pull the man's mouth away from the one thing that could destroy Brian too.

He felt Brian's lips leave his cock and he moaned in frustration. They were replaced by Brian's hand which slid up and down the saliva covered shaft. His thumb pressed in the slit and then released and Justin exploded. Brian's hand milked his dick getting every drop of his essence.

One of Brian's hands steadied Justin as he wobbled above him. His other reached for a tissue. "I wish I could taste you," Brian said releasing Justin and wiping the jizz from his fingers.

"I wish you could too, but it's a fact we have to live with. You can't," Justin said sadly.

"But that wasn't so bad, was it?" Brian asked with a crooked grin.

"Hardly," Justin gushed. "That was about the best hand job I've ever had."

"In your limited experience," Brian grinned up at him.

"In my limited experience," Justin admitted with a smile.

"We'll have to see if we can keep improving on that," Brian said standing up. "But first I'm going to fuck you."

Justin grinned. He liked the sound of that. Brian pulled him close and nuzzled his neck. 

"You smell like French fries, Sunshine," Brian told him. "I thought it was just your clothes."

"We could shower … together," Justin suggested with a giggle.

"That we could," Brian said. "Come on." He took Justin's hand and pulled him into the bathroom. He reached in and turned on the shower. 

Brian ran his hands along Justin's sides reaching around to squeeze the globes of Justin's ass. He heard the boy sigh against his chest. "Like that?" he asked. 

"I'm hard again … already," Justin whispered.

Brian smiled. "Ah, youth," he whispered back. His own cock was so hard he could barely stand it. He opened the shower door and pulled Justin in. As the spray hit his face Brian captured Justin's lips and his tongue dueled with the boy's. He wished he could taste Justin's essence like he was tasting his lips and his mouth but he knew that could never be. There were limitations with fucking HIV, but he could still pleasure this glorious creature in so many ways, and Justin had proven that he could pleasure him right back.

Brian used the soap to open Justin's hole and prepare him. His fingers brought moans and gasps of pleasure. Justin's eyes were closed and he clung to Brian's shoulders for support. This young man was built for sex. Everything about him screamed his need for it. Everything he did proved that he was a quick study and a willing participant. Brian knew Justin's expertise would grow with each encounter and he wanted to be part of each and every one.

His own cock leaking and aching, Brian could wait no longer. He turned Justin and pushed him gently against the glass. He sheathed his cock and drove home. The boy cried out as he was impaled and Brian waited till he started to breathe again. His thrusts were quick and sure. He had missed Justin over the last few days, had missed this ass, had missed his sharp mind, had missed his compliant and eager body, had missed his sense of humor and his flustered ramblings, had missed his gentle and caring nature. He hoped he could take away some of the insecurity and fear that Justin had experienced over those days. Brian knew that his own beliefs about life and his fucked up upbringing limited what he could promise the boy. But he would make it clear to Justin that this was an ongoing arrangement. He needed his blond lover like he had never needed anyone before.

Brian grunted and moaned as he thrust into Justin. He felt the boy clamp down on his dick and he almost came. His hands grabbed Justin's hair and he yanked his head around into a smoldering kiss. He wanted them to come at the same time. He could wait.

He fought his impending orgasm waiting for Justin. He could jack him off, but he wanted Justin to come just from the action of his cock in his ass. It was a matter of pride to Brian. He continued thrusting, his nails raking up and down Justin's back, his other hand caressing and pinching one of Justin's nipples.'

"Oh fuck, Brian," Justin groaned. "Close."

Brian continued his thrusts thinking of the pleasure they could experience together if he could hold on a little longer. He sucked in a deep breath and thrust at lightning speed.

Justin was jammed against the glass finding it difficult to breathe. The cock up his ass seemed to shove all the air out of his lungs with each thrust. He felt the ripples start running up his spine, little jolts that grew in intensity as Brian continued to drive into him. He had just come a few minutes ago, but he knew Brian was holding off his own orgasm, waiting for them to come at the same moment. He gave himself over to the heat of the cock up his ass and the weight leaning against him and the friction of Brian's nails on his back, and the warm water and the lips that sucked at his should blade and the feeling of closeness that he had always wanted so desperately. And then he exploded shooting all over the glass as wave after wave swept through him. He could feel Brian following right behind him. Brian's groans of satisfaction pleased his ear and warmed his heart. They had done it.

He felt Brian's cock slip out and then he was turned around into Brian's embrace. He rested his head on the man's chest as they supported each other. He felt all his loneliness and despair slip away. It was like he had been frozen and now he was alive and happy. Anything was possible as long as he was in Brian's arms. He felt like he wanted to cry, but they would be tears of joy not sorrow. He loved this man so much.

Brian held his lover close fighting the tears that threatened to escape. He knew he had never felt these things with any of his other tricks. He let the emotions sweep over him – joy and satisfaction and completeness and … maybe love. He had no idea what love felt like, but this had to be at least close. His hand slid down Justin's back caressing the soft skin and holding the boy next to his heart.

The water was beginning to cool and Justin shivered. Brian turned off the water and stepped out grabbing a fluffy towel that he wrapped around Justin gently rubbing all over the boy.

"Are you all right?" Brian asked as he dried himself off.

"I … think so. I'm kind of … overwhelmed.

Brian smiled gently and ran his fingers along the side of Justin's face. He felt the boy lean into the caress and he wanted to weep from the sheer joy that simple gesture gave him. Justin was so trusting and brave. How could anyone have done to him what that asshole on Liberty Avenue did? Or what Michael had done the other day?

Brian took Justin's hand and led him to the bed. He threw back the covers and gently pushed Justin down. He slid in beside him pulling the covers over them both and making sure they were tucked in along Justin's back. He felt the boy snuggle up against him and he welcomed him offering warmth and protection as his arm went across Justin's body to draw him closer.

"Brian," Justin said softly. "Thank you."

"For what?" Brian asked.

"For taking me back."

"You never left as far as I'm concerned."

Justin sighed contentedly. He wanted to say "I love you" but he bit his tongue afraid of what that might produce as a reaction.

"Warmer now?" Brian asked.

"Uh huh," Justin whispered.

"Good."

"Are you worried?" Justin asked.

"About what?" Brian asked with a frown.

"About the HIV."

"I … suppose I am – worried that you could get sick, worried that something could happen when we fuck. But we need to take each day as it comes. The HIV will always be there in the background, but we don't have to think about it all the time."

"I used to," Justin confessed. "I think I'm finally coming to terms with it."

"That's good."

"Yeah," Justin responded. "Ben offered to help me eat right and work out properly."

"Are you going to develop a six pack like the hunky professor?" Brian chuckled tweaking one of Justin's nipples.

"I don't think I have the right body type for that," Justin giggled. "Are you disappointed?" He held his breath while he waited for Brian's answer.

"Nah, I like you just the way you are." That earned him a big sloppy kiss from Justin. "You must be feeling better," Brian observed.

"Suddenly I'm getting very warm," Justin grinned, his hand sliding down to find Brian's cock which was already starting to respond.

"Seriously, Justin, I think you should take the professor up on his offer to help with nutrition and exercise. You need to take care of yourself. I want you around for a long, long time," he whispered against Justin's ear.

Justin felt his cock jump at Brian's words and all they implied. "Make love to me, Brian," Justin asked. They stared into each other's eyes. 

"I think I'm ready to do just that," Brian said as his lips found the ones he wanted … for as long as they might have.


End file.
